Pain class notes: final

[sasha_feather]

Today we talked a bit about having compassion for ourselves and our pain and trying to accept that our pain exists in the moment. Acceptance doesn't have to mean that you like it or don't want it to go away. You don't have to think about the future or the past, only the present moment.

The instructor referenced the concept of "The Pain Body" by Eckhart Tolle, and also called it the emotional body or the suffering self. This can be a bundle of Involuntary, Automatic and Repetitive thoughts that can occur when something happens-- like if we're triggered by an event (she didn't use the word trigger, but I asked if that word applied and the instructor said yes). It can feel out of control and can feel like you're the victim of these thoughts and feelings. But actually, we can learn to take control of these thoughts and feelings over time and with practice. We are more than these feelings and thoughts.

Cognitive Fusion is having a narrow focus, only seeing part of the picture, having a lack of perspective. Often we are so close to our pain and negative thoughts that we lose sight of the bigger picture.

Cognitive Defusion is when we attempt to step back from our thoughts and feelings and gain some perspective on them. These thoughts are already there in the background-- we are trying to shift our relationship to them, put them outside of ourselves and observe them without judgment. We did a meditation-type exercise where we selected a thought or experience that we are struggling with, and put it 4 or 5 feet in front of us to observe it. We ascribed it a color, shape, size, and speed. At the end we were supposed to take it back inside us in a loving way.

(This may sound hokey but it gets easier and easier when you do meditation as a practice, and when you have a safe space like this class to do it in.)

There are all kinds of techniques for cognitive defusion-- the trick is to recognize when you're getting into the bad thought patterns, and learning how to break them. Our homework is to come up with some of our own examples.

It was already helpful because when I get the stabbity mouth pain, I see now that I go into kind of a supressed panic mode, sort of flaily, how the hell do I live with this??! But of course I've lived with it before, successfully, and can do so again. It's the hardest pain I have but I *can* live with it.


Yesterday we talked a little about the universal nature of suffering. We don't have to take suffering so personally-- life is difficult. Even people who you might think don't suffer? Really do.

We read some quotes by authors, philosophers, and religious people. One I particularly liked:
"The capacity to give one's attention to a sufferer is a rare and difficult thing; it is almost a miracle; it is a miracle." --Simone Weil

So, hey, people who read my TMI posts! Go you! You're a miracle worker. <3

We talked about what we have learned from our pain, what suffering can teach us. Some things people mentioned:

--That we have limits and need to honor them, we need to take care of ourselves, pace ourselves, and learn to say no to doing things, and ask for help.
--Owning our experience, assertiveness
--Your best is your best: change your standards, and don't expect perfection, or even your old standards for yourself.
--Empathy for others who suffer
--Gratitude for simple things, such as moments without pain, good days, friends and colleagues and family who understand

The empathy one is huge. All you have to really do is listen to people and be respectful, but so many people are awkward and uncomfortable around illness, pain, and disability that they just avoid it altogether as best they can or make asses of themselves. There is a lot of fear. One thing a heard in a movie once-- when you see suffering, step forward, not away. But that is very hard to do, even with your own self.