"compulsory femininity"

[sasha_feather]

I sat down to read a comic called The Story of my Tits and I stopped because I started to feel anxious, and have a lot of fast thoughts. How strange.



I thought I'd gotten over a lot of my femme-phobia; after all I like dressing up low-femme sometimes, what you might call tomboy femme. And maybe I have. Maybe what I'm reacting to is, more what we might call compulsory femininity. I read a post on Tumblr about this, which of course I can't find now because I don't know how to use Tumblr. The idea that people who cut your hair won't cut it as short as you want it. When people-- other women-- police your foot wear (which is also ableist). When you're required to look and dress in a feminine way for interviews, banquets, etc. When not shaving your body hair is somehow a big damn deal and you have to endlessly discuss it.

One place I feel this acutely is shopping for underwear. In the store the section is called "intimate apparel" which makes me feel like I want to burn down the store. My underwear is functional. It's underwear. (Do men have "intimate apparel"? Maybe some do.) I don't want lace on my bras. I just want a plain goddamn black bra that fits properly (and I have big boobs which generally means fewer choices).

I don't like how adult femininity is so closely associated with (heterosexual) sex; that is probably the real issue I'm getting at.

Comments

[lilysea]

Am also not a fan of compulsory femininity.

I get very cranky when hairdressers say to me "Are you sure you want your hair THAT short." Yes I do, if it's longer, it hurts my hands too much to wash it.

I don't want to have lace on my undies because it itches/irritates skin. I don't want polyester satin-look undies, I want eczema friendly no-frills bamboo or cotton.

A female friend of mine has recently started buying undies from the men's section in target, because it seems to be the only way to get eczema-friendly plus-size cotton undies without paying $$. (The women's plus sized undies have bare elastic touching the skin, the men's plus sized undies don't).

I'm thinking about doing the same.

[sasha_feather]

You're absolutely right that there is a bunch of overlap between ableism and compulsory femininity.

[jesse_the_k]

The kyriarchy has firm rules about what rabble bodies should be. It's body-policing all the way down.

[cereus]

Oh man, I feel you on the "non-scratchy" underwear issue. >.< They need to make a lot more of it. Given that it tends to go very sensitive places, that should be a main priority.

It would also be reallly good if they made some underwear that was both "hot" and comfortable. Cotton, but in black, red, purple, etc. maybe? Not *all* the underwear, some can have fun patterns - but at least *some*?