sasha_feather: Big book of Lesbian Horse stories book cover (lesbian horse stories)
A beautifully drawn, honest coming-of-age memoir centered on the world of competitive skating. The drawings are fascinating and understatedly emotional. I read this fairly long graphic memoir in one sitting. Walden's social anxiety and coming out story are intensely relatable.

This author-artist is just 21, and I eagerly look forward to her future work.

Content notes: bullying, an incident of attempted sexual assault, dealing with homophobia
sasha_feather: Big book of Lesbian Horse stories book cover (lesbian horse stories)
The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo is a 5-episode you tube series about a group of friends living in LA. Some of them are aspiring actors. It is over-the-top, silly comedy with a whole lot of queerness and snappy dialog.

https://youtu.be/YYXQzlKXzpk

The group of people who made this have some other amazingly hilarious skits on youtube.

Content notes: sex, cheating, alcohol, pot
sasha_feather: Big book of Lesbian Horse stories book cover (lesbian horse stories)
1. What's the happiest thing to ever happen to you?
Getting a horse for Christmas when I was 11. Penny and I were soul-friends and I had so many good times with her. Here is a photo of us the next summer: https://flic.kr/p/63nL6f

2. What's the saddest thing to ever happen to you?
Maybe when my 2 best friends broke up with me when we were 11-ish (6th grade). In therapy, I determined this to be a watershed event for learning to shut down my emotions; and also the ringleader probably sensed something gay about me, and that is why she decided to stop talking to me. Also, the way they did it! They just stopped talking to me one day. I was bewildered more than anything.

3. What's the thing that got you the most angry in your life?
Probably at a therapist. I was about a day or two into a hypo-manic episode (?) after coming out and I thought she could help me. She didn't. I did write about it at the time http://sasha-feather.dreamwidth.org/375687.html (post was filtered but it's so long ago I will unfilter it, temporarily. Many of my older posts are locked down to private).
I got so angry about the Vivid Con ableism stuff in 2010 that I made myself ill. But, that anger has faded. I don't really feel it anymore.
I didn't get angry a lot before I came out; and then I was angry *all the time*; it seems better now a few years on.

4. What's the most frightening thing to ever happen to you?
Scary situations don't really "happen to me" so much as arise from my anxiety. I have gotten super anxious in totally mundane situations. It seemed like the only way out of the problem was to speak, and I was so anxious I could not speak, so I was stuck and frozen. Also, I didn't know why this was happening. Everyone else seemed to have no problem in these ordinary situations, like speaking to a teacher or knocking on a door. Then having random panic attacks sent me to therapy.
In a more traditional sense of frightening-- there was some scary-to-outsiders stuff with the horses, like getting bucked off. But it never seemed scary to me. Animals are easier than people, and that basic fear is easier to deal with than anxiety.

5. What's the most unbelievable thing to happen to you in your life?
a. Getting scholarships that paid for my college education
b. Getting a horse for Christmas!!!11!1!!!
c. Not realizing I was queer until age mumblety
d. getting facial pain that has no real diagnosis
e. Being on the State Champion poutlry quiz bowl team!
sasha_feather: the back of furiosa's head (furiosa: back of head)
TV:
Korra (Avatar: The Legend of Korra) - has PTSD and was poisoned
Dr. Kerry Weaver (ER) - uses an arm crutch
Jodi Lerner - Marlee Matlin's character on "The L Word" - Deaf
Brian Kinney (Queer as Folk) - testicular cancer
Ben (QaF) - HIV
Justin (QaF) - PTSD, brain damage
Thirteen (House) - Huntington's disease
Arizona Robbins on Grey's Anatomy - above knee amputee
David Fisher, Six Feet Under, PTSD.
Willow (BtVS) - Addiction
Annalise Keating (HtGAWM) - Addiction.
Thomas Barrow (Downton Abbey) - permanent hand injury

Films:
Margarita with Straw
The Way He Looks (about a blind gay kid)
Wilby Wonderful (film is partly about a suicidal man)
The Normal Heart (about HIV)
Philadelphia (HIV)
Longtime Companion (HIV)
Jeffrey (HIV)
HOLE (short film) - physical disabilities
Frida (about Frida Kahlo)

Books:
The Charioteer, Mary Renault - physcial disabilities
And the Band Played On (HIV)
The Line of Beauty (HIV)
A character in Nimona (physical disability)
Umegat and his partner in The Curse of Chalion (phyiscal disabilities/trauma)
John Granby -Temeraire series (missing hand, prostethic)

Other:
Deadpool - disfigured
The Iron Bull (DA:I) - uses a leg brace
Angels in America (HIV)
sasha_feather: the back of furiosa's head (furiosa: back of head)
stuff i did
--Had insomnia last night
--Went to humane society to volunteer. Had a good time.
--Went to dog park
--Bought groceries
--Exhaustion hit me like a brick and I slept for a couple of hours

Now I am still tired, but probably won't be able to sleep.

I forgot to mention earlier that my disability parking tag came in the mail about a week ago. This is a big milestone for me. I'm grateful to have it.

Here is another short film rec: An animated film about young love, "In a Heartbeat". Very sweet. No dialog.

https://youtu.be/2REkk9SCRn0
sasha_feather: Retro-style poster of skier on pluto.   (Default)
A 15 minute short film about a disabled gay man. Has captions. Explicit content.

https://www.shortoftheweek.com/2017/05/30/hole/

(Film autoplays at link)
sasha_feather: Big book of Lesbian Horse stories book cover (lesbian horse stories)
"Lazy Eye" (2016)

This is a somewhat slow, sweet film about two ex-lovers who reconnect over a weekend. They were together for a summer 15 years ago; now they meet in Joshua Tree at a small house. The landscapes are beautiful and the production values are high. The two are very loving and affectionate with each other. They reflect upon their lives and choices, and at the end of the weekend must decide where to go from here. It met what I was looking for: emotional, sexy, and with queer (this was sort of a typo but I'm leaving it). I got a bit impatient with the cheating story line (one of the two of them is cheating on his husband who is abroad), mostly because, sigh, why this tired trope? Why can't writers be more creative and interesting?

Content notes: animal harm/death (mice). cigarettes. Rich people. One person teasing/doubting another person's professed bisexuality. One character describes an anxiety attack in broad terms.
sasha_feather: Black, white, and red image of woman with futuristic helmet (Sci Fi Woman)
The original La Cage aux folles (the birdcage) (1978), in French with English subtitles. A little slow to start, but delightful, warm, and hilarious.

Renato owns a nightclub, mostly featuring drag queens. He lives above it with his long-time partner Albin. Renato's son Laurent comes to visit, announcing his engagement to Andrea, whose family are stuffy conservatives in the government. Andrea lies to her parents and says that Renato is a cultural attache. Laurent (who should feel BAD about himself) talks his father into making the appartment look like a hetero den and having them over for a fancy dinner, continuing the lie. Farce ensues. I notice this has an R rating because GAY but it really doesn't deserve it.

Elementary Season 4

Joan Watson!!!!

The Good Place

This was just OK, and some things about it bothered me a little, but I really liked the characters and the diverse cast. I especially liked Chidi, a black nerdy philosophy professor who clearly has an anxiety disorder. He tries so hard.
sasha_feather: Big book of Lesbian Horse stories book cover (lesbian horse stories)
1. what are the words you do not have yet? [Or, “for what do you not have words, yet?”]

Those things that are small traumas, "it's not really a trauma but"; like microagressions but not so micro.

More words for coming out: are you coming out to yourself? to others? Are you in the long process of de-brainwashing yourself? Are you still de-brainwashing yourself after years and years? Do you hear a song on the radio, a love song without any gender specified, and assume it's about straight people?

More words like "Hangry", which is a good word; I'm cranky because I'm hungry, I'm cranky because I'm in pain; I'm cranky because....

More words for different kinds of love. Love is love doesn't work for me. I like distinctions and nuance. Love for the world; love for nature; love for friends; love for fandom; sudden and gradual loves; ones that fade and ones that endure. And what are things that help make love happen? What are those things?

Words for surviving, for getting through, for recovering, for dealing with shit that you have to do but can barely get yourself to do.

And more words for physical, chronic pain, which is so boring, and so difficult to describe.

Uh huh

Dec. 3rd, 2016 11:50 pm
sasha_feather: Daredevil in a suit (Daredevil)
Today my roommate had a party for her birthday. It was lovely; it involved reading books and passages from books out loud to the group. Some were children's books. Someone read from Alice in Wonderland; we passed around a book of tongue twisters by Dr. Suess.

Someone brought a joke book, Plato and Platypus walk into a bar: understanding philosophy through jokes. At first I thought, what a good idea, a joke book! But in a mixed group that don't know each other well, in the afternoon-- maybe not.

One of the jokes made me very clearly feel like the only queer person in the room.

An old cowboy goes into a bar and orders a drink. As he sits
there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sits down next to him. She
turns to the cowboy and asks him, “Are you a real cowboy?”

He replies, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life on the ranch, herding
horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am.”
She says, “I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about
women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about
women. When I shower or watch TV, everything seems to make
me think of women.”

A little while later, a couple sits down next to the old cowboy
and asks him, “Are you a real cowboy?”
He replies, “I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a
lesbian.”
(this is directly quoted from the PDF of the book

Interesting, the woman who brought this book also told a joke involving engineers, and said before she told that one she surveyed the room for who is an engineer to see who the joke would affect. Uh huh.

p.s. I don't feel well today; not sure what it is but dang
sasha_feather: the back of furiosa's head (furiosa: back of head)
Feel free to add more in comments

--It's based on a true story
--It's more believable / realistic / serious / true to the narrative
--It has more artistic merit if it's tragic
--The actor was leaving the show
--It's a French story
"It's dangerous to tell the showrunner how to tell a story." --http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/bury-your-gays-trope-stumps-891596

--"Anyone can die in this show"

--"we didn't anticipate this sort of level of pain over this fictional death," --Jason Rothberg, the 100

--""It’s a really important thing to note that it wasn’t in any way an attempt to aggravate a social situation," Alycia Debnam-Carey, the 100

--"This was the ultimate compliment for her character to have a higher purpose. " --random commenter on Root (Person of Interest)

ETA July 2017:
--It's the noir genre
sasha_feather: the back of furiosa's head (furiosa: back of head)
I'm angry about episode 4.3. I wish this show would stick to its strong suit, and write about women, children, and childbirth, and stay away from "Very Special Episodes". This episode gave me a real life stomachache.

Read more... )
sasha_feather: the back of furiosa's head (furiosa: back of head)
I sat down to read a comic called The Story of my Tits and I stopped because I started to feel anxious, and have a lot of fast thoughts. How strange.

thinking about gender and bodies and clothes )
sasha_feather: Amelie, white woman with dark hair, smiling cheerfully (Amelie)
I recently re-watched "Grumpy Old Men" with my roommate. Part of the reason I loved this movie when I was younger was because it portrayed our Minnesotan culture in winter, dealing with snow and ice fishing and a sort of friendly grumpiness. Unfortunately the Jewish elements were a bit too subtle for my young eyes and went right over my head at the time, but I caught them this time around.

Something that stood out for me is when Ariel asks John Gustafson (old older Swedish-Minnesotan man) if he is straight or gay. He sputters and is totally taken aback. He says something like, maybe you can ask those kinds of questions in California, but not here!

I'm trying to be more forthright (straight forward is not the word), but it's swimming against a lot of culture, going back generations all the way back to Sweden.
sasha_feather: furiosa holding a gun, showing her metal arm (furiosa arm)
I seen a few people praising this exchange from Arnold's facebook page. The photo is: He changed his user icon (an image of himself as the Terminator) to the rainbow-overlay, which many folks are doing.

A commenter says: "What's wrong with you Arnie? I have to unlike."

Arnold replies: "Hasta la vista."

I get it, people think this is funny. A lot of people probably don't know that Schwarzenegger blocked same-sex marriage in California when he was governor. He did so using his veto power not once, but twice.

This is no secret and not that obscure; for example, George Takei has spoken of Schwarzenegger's homophobic policies as part of his motivation for coming out publicly.

Links for sources (thanks eruthros)
http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_marl10.htm
http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_marl8.htm
sasha_feather: Retro-style poster of skier on pluto.   (Default)
Consolidated notes on Queer movies that I've seen over the last six-ish years, as people seem to look for recs from time to time. Since I wrote these a while ago, some may no longer be on Netflix. Will edit this from time to time. Adding stars to ones I especially recommend.

52 movies )

"Pride"

Jan. 15th, 2015 10:44 pm
sasha_feather: Moriary and his neck, Sherlock BBC (Moriarty)
I didn't do much today but it was a Twitter success day: re-tweeted by @Karnythia (29.8K followers) and Saladin Ahmed (24.1K Followers). If you care about that sort of thing. I used to have a locked twitter, so.

I watched the film "Pride" (2014) with some friends. I quite liked this film about a group of gay and lesbian activists in the UK who support striking miners. It's great to see a film about activists and politics; it reminded me a bit of "Milk" but was better because it focused on a group of people instead of one individual, and it focused on the politics and not on the drama of their relationships. It's a hopeful movie about the power of community activism.
sasha_feather: neat looking overcoat (coat)
A while back [personal profile] longwhitecoats asked on Twitter about movies that influenced our queer identities.

I was thinking about this last night; and it's possible I've written about all or most of this before in 2009-ish. Queer identity is not static, but shifts over time. However, for me, my queer identity was most in focus when I was coming out, and the TV, movies, and other media I consumed mattered a lot.

Firefly-- specifically, Simon Tam. It's not just that the actor is gay, though that is part of it. It's that he's uncomfortable and feels unsafe, so he retreats into what he knows, which is medicine and manners. He acts differently around men vs. women-- women he treats as friends and confidants; with men there is something else going on-- the charge of attraction. He does like Kaylee, but I think what he feels is envy. Kaylee is comfortable in her skin, in touch with her desires, and free to act upon them. His opposite. (Also, it's nice when someone has a crush on you; but his supposed flirting is beyond awkward and into painful.)

About a Boy-- not a gay movie at all. But what I related to here was Will Freeman's solitude, the aspect that feelings and connections with other people are messy and scary, and it's better to avoid them and just be alone. The plot of the film involves Marcus and his mother disrupting Will's patterns and forcing Will to form connections, to be more honest and vulnerable, to have feelings. These might seem like small risks to some people but they are big risks for others, for those with anxiety for instance. For me, a big part of coming out was admitting that I am sensitive and anxious, and really dealing with having lots of feelings.

But I'm a Cheerleader-- So much love for this film. What strikes me now is Megan's concept of herself as a normal, good person, and how it's difficult for her mesh that concept with being gay. In many ways she's conformist, obedient, wants to please others; coming out means she really can't do so anymore. News flash: gay is normal; but it means you are going to be an outcast. I wish I'd seen this film sooner.

Queer as Folk-- I watched this really fast and doubt I'd enjoy it as much now; but at the time it was like an oasis in the desert. I was working a terrible, exhausting job, and I latched onto QaF and Buffy like my life depended on it. Gay people and sex and culture-- just, stuff I really hadn't had much exposure to, and needed to see. (Curiously, I later tried to watch the L word and hated it; idk.)

The Crying Game-- it's sad that this movie became a punch line to hundreds of jokes, because it's a beautiful film. I should watch it again; my memory of it is fuzzy but I remember having an understanding of what the characters were going through.
sasha_feather: Avatar Kyoshi from avatar: the last airbender cartoon (Lady avatar)
Attempting to post more. Thinking about weight / size politics under the cut.

Read more... )
sasha_feather: white woman in space suit (Astronaut)
Beginners (2010) R. Ewan MacGregor, Christopher Plummer, Melanie Laurent.

MacGregor plays Oliver, a 38-year-old graphic designer who has recently lost his father. In flashbacks and narration, we see his close relationship to his father, who came out publicly as gay at age 75. Now, in 2003, Oliver is struggling with grief, with the fact that his parents were never in love, and with his own relationships and feelings. Oliver falls for a woman named Anna. In flashbacks, his father falls for a younger man, played by Goran Visnjic, and gets involved with gay politics. The movie is engaging and told with sensitivity and emotional nuance. People at any age can be beginners at life and love.

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