Horses are good company -- The Witcher

Music meme, x-posted from Tumblr.

Object: put your (Spotify) music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs. Tagged by kneelbeforeyourdogbabylon

1. Gloria: In excelsis Deo by Patti Smith. I associate this with a vid for Terminator the Sarah Connor Chronicles.

2. Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. Very good song for creativity.

3.If you could only see (Acoustic 2016) by Tonic. There is queerness here in the longing for acceptance.

4. Strawberry Wine by Deana Carter. nostalgia; everyone listened to country around here in the 90s. Part of my Stardew Valley playlist.

5. All these things I've done by the Killers.

6. Deep Red Bells (live) by Neko Case

7. To Noise Making (Sing) by Hozier. Encouragement!

8. Major Tom (coming home) by Peter Schilling. This song rules it's a fix-it fanfic.

9. Everybody Hurts by R.E.M.

10. Los Angeles by St. Vincent.

naomikritzer gave me some meme questions way back in November.

1. Do you ever tell yourself a story when you're going to sleep at night, and if so, what's it about?

Not usually; I am more likely to do a meditation involving visualizing a relaxing place, or a game like "name a city for every letter of the alphabet." Sometimes in stressful situations I'll pretend that I am on some kind of survival adventure.

2. What is your favorite flower?

So many to choose from! Probably the fuschia, which is like a little bisexual flag exploded into ruffles. I also love the passion flower for its alien quality; the iris for being elegant but not snobby; the lilac for smelling lovely; the calla lily for simple one-line perfection.

3. You're about to be packed off to a cabin with no Internet for a week, and you can take five books along to read. They must be books you already own in some form but have not read. What do you grab off your TBR stack to entertain yourself?

This question is stressing me a little bit so I'm skipping it. I haven't been able to read much lately.

4. Describe an object you own that is not sentimental but for some reason you've had for a very long time.

I have some cheap furniture that is nonetheless practical and useful. One is a Target book shelf that can fold flat when you need to move it. It now holds my DVDs and some art supplies.

5. Your fairy godmother appears and offers you a boon of significant improvement to any skill. The power is limited such that you'll get more benefit the more narrow you go. What do you choose?

Prowess at using DaVinci Resolve to make fan vids!

Meme modified from something I saw on Twitter that is a "song a day" meme. The idea is to fill one prompt a day, but I will be going at my own pace. Feel free to copy this, modify it, whatever.

Post about a fanwork (art, fic, podfic, vid, etc) that:

1. Has a color in the title
2. Has a number in the title
3. Features summer
4. Is in a fandom from your past
5. Makes you feel joyful
6. Features dancing or athletics
7. Features a trip of some kind
8. Is about food in some way
9. Features snow or winter activity
10. Makes you sad or contemplative
11. You keep coming back to (re-reading, re-listening, etc).
12. A fanwork created by a favorite writer/artist/podficcer/vidder.
13. Features technology or robots.
14. is about a favorite character.
15. Features music.

1. What is your favorite place?

The farm where I grew up. In the back pasture there's some oak savannah, on a gentle hill overlooking pasture land and woods. It's peaceful, beautiful, quiet. I felt very close to nature on the farm.

2. What is your favorite place in your home?

My apartment is pretty small. I suppose my favorite place is in my reclining chair with my laptop.

3. Would you most want to live in a city, a suburb or the country?

The country, although I've gotten used to living in the city and have come to appreciate the benefits. The worst place to live would be the suburbs, yuck.

4. What is special about the town you live in?

Madison has lots of lakes. It's nice to drive by lake Monona while going downtown, fun to see people out in their boats, folks running on the bike path, etc. We also have a great public library system.

5. How much time do you spend in nature?

Not as much as I'd like, but that's due to illness and disability. I do go out to the dog park most days.

brithistorian gave me 5 questions to answer based on my interests. If you comment saying so, I will endeavor to ask you five questions!

1. What was the first fandom you wrote fic for?

Probably the TV show "The Pretender," which I was into during high school and college, around 1999-2001. The premise was that a genius escaped some kind of evil think-tank and went around helping people by taking on various professions. A bit like Leverage and Dark Angel, which are also favorites of mine.

2. How did you get interested in greyhounds?

My dear friend thingswithwings suggested that a greyhound might be a good fit for me, because they are great apartment dogs--low energy, almost no barking, little shedding, etc. I'd wanted a dog for years. When she made this suggestion, it just sort of clicked. It felt right. I asked my landlord for permission and then started the process. I just love they way they look, and their personalities. I was a "horse girl" growing up, and Greyhounds look a little like horses, and a little like dragons. When I saw a photo of Sorcha, my first hound, I just fell instantly in love.

3. What's the last science book you read that you'd recommend?

It's been a while now but I loved Lab Girl by Hope Jahren. It's a memoir about her career in biology. It's funny and very well written.

4. What is a movie that you enjoy despite the fact that it's, by most standards, not a good movie? What do you like about it?

There are a lot of these. An old favorite is "Water World," a dsytopian Sci Fi film starring Kevin Costner. I thought it was pretty to look at, and exciting, and fun. I liked the floating town. My dad and I saw it in the theater and we both really enjoyed it. During the part where the characters go deep underwater in a crude submersible, the exit doors of the theater blew open, showing us heavy rain and lightning outside. It was very dramatic and added to the experience of seeing the film.

5. Do have a book that you continue to re-read despite having read it numerous times already? What's so special to you about that book?

I hardly read anymore, not traditional books anyways. As a kid and young adult I was a voracious reader and re-read many books. My favorite was Cynthia Voigt's "The Wings of a Falcon." It's an adventure story centering on the deep friendship between two boys / young men. I see now that this story was "Slashy," meaning with gay subtext.

These days I'm more into fanfic and comics. I've re-read and listened to:
"The Stately Home of Wiltshire" (Harry Potter) by waspabi
https://archiveofourown.org/works/6239806
Sell your Body to the Night" (teen wolf) by dira sudis
https://archiveofourown.org/works/2838161
"Fair Trade" (Stargate: atlantis) by esteefee
https://archiveofourown.org/series/305

I find fanfic very comforting, especially if I already know the story. It's warm and relaxing, even the angsty parts.

Here is a meme where we talk about our icons! I haven't even looked at mine in ages, and only recently regained a paid account. So this is a bit of time travel. rydra_wong chose 3 icons for me to talk about:



I don't know anything about the origin of this, a black and white photo of a woman in a high-ranking officer's uniform. It simply makes me think of all the historical women and non-binary individuals that history has ignored. How I might have remembered history lessons better if they told stories about people, and especially women and queer people. And I like the image: a confident woman in uniform.



I took this photo of some bright green grass in spring. It makes me happy. It just invites you to take off your shoes and rest your feet in its softness.


icon by beatrice_otter; image is of Cindi Mayweather (Janelle Monae).

I just love Janelle Monae so much. If you haven't listened to her albums or music, check it out on You Tube or wherever you listen to music. Her videos are incredible. She can sing, dance, and act, and her outfits are always INCREDIBLE. Her albums have this whole mythology about the android Cindi Mayweather, a time traveling droid. Cindi is on the run from the law for the crime of falling in love with a human. I don't know why her music isn't more widely known. Well, I have my suspicions. Science fictional, experimental music by a black woman, who sings about lifting up oppressed people, is perhaps not going to be as popular as some dance song with 5 lyrics repeated.

1. What's the happiest thing to ever happen to you?
Getting a horse for Christmas when I was 11. Penny and I were soul-friends and I had so many good times with her. Here is a photo of us the next summer: https://flic.kr/p/63nL6f

2. What's the saddest thing to ever happen to you?
Maybe when my 2 best friends broke up with me when we were 11-ish (6th grade). In therapy, I determined this to be a watershed event for learning to shut down my emotions; and also the ringleader probably sensed something gay about me, and that is why she decided to stop talking to me. Also, the way they did it! They just stopped talking to me one day. I was bewildered more than anything.

3. What's the thing that got you the most angry in your life?
Probably at a therapist. I was about a day or two into a hypo-manic episode (?) after coming out and I thought she could help me. She didn't. I did write about it at the time http://sasha-feather.dreamwidth.org/375687.html (post was filtered but it's so long ago I will unfilter it, temporarily. Many of my older posts are locked down to private).
I got so angry about the Vivid Con ableism stuff in 2010 that I made myself ill. But, that anger has faded. I don't really feel it anymore.
I didn't get angry a lot before I came out; and then I was angry *all the time*; it seems better now a few years on.

4. What's the most frightening thing to ever happen to you?
Scary situations don't really "happen to me" so much as arise from my anxiety. I have gotten super anxious in totally mundane situations. It seemed like the only way out of the problem was to speak, and I was so anxious I could not speak, so I was stuck and frozen. Also, I didn't know why this was happening. Everyone else seemed to have no problem in these ordinary situations, like speaking to a teacher or knocking on a door. Then having random panic attacks sent me to therapy.
In a more traditional sense of frightening-- there was some scary-to-outsiders stuff with the horses, like getting bucked off. But it never seemed scary to me. Animals are easier than people, and that basic fear is easier to deal with than anxiety.

5. What's the most unbelievable thing to happen to you in your life?
a. Getting scholarships that paid for my college education
b. Getting a horse for Christmas!!!11!1!!!
c. Not realizing I was queer until age mumblety
d. getting facial pain that has no real diagnosis
e. Being on the State Champion poutlry quiz bowl team!

jesse_the_k asked: Is there a childhood goal/ambition/undertaking you're still interested in doing?

Or if not, how do you feel about setting out goals/ambitions/undertakings?

Goals make me nervous and I avoid them unless absolutely necessary.

I asked for an easier question, and she said "How did you decide to become a scientist?"

In junior high, my two favorite subjects were biology and English, which is still basically true, although now I would replace English with "social justice" or media studies, which were not school courses back then. I've gotten less interested in science for science's sake, but I'm glad to do it for my job, and I'm glad to have a job that is just my job, which I don't take home. I like having hobbies and interests that are distinct from my paid work. I'm more of a small-s scientist, and that is fine with me. I have a lot of interests and I don't want my job to consume my whole life.

I like biology because I love nature, and I have a suitably analytical and equivocal mind. I went with biology because it seemed like the work would be more secure than a creative field. I also had an idea that research might be a way to leave the world better than I found it, so to speak. I went with epidemiology because I am good at, and like, seeing the big picture and connections between things.

As a kid I wanted to be a (published, fiction) writer, and it took me until my 20s to give that up. Once I met fiction writers at conventions, and got a handle on the reality of the profession, I realized I didn't fit in with them. I fit in with fan fic writers, and this is where I belong. I actually have published a couple of non-fiction essays and one scientific article, so there's that. I like blogging, writing fan fic, etc, more, because it involves hanging out with other people. I like collaborative work and being around others, sharing in the creation and enjoyment of the work. Anyways, it was actually a big relief to give up that goal! Which is part of why I distrust goals.

I'm a generalist, and as such, I did well in school up until graduate school-- because graduate school encourages hyper-specialization and single-mindedness. I wasn't happy in grad school. I'm pretty happy with the type of work I do because it has a fair amount of variety to it.

I remember thinking that it would be great to be a "Steerswoman" from the Rosemary Kerstein books: a true generalist, who explores, makes maps, collects information and stories, does experiments, and is widely respected by her people. I'm maybe a bit too shy for that job (Rowan has to do some very brave things!), but maybe I could be part of a two-person team and that would make it easier.

Recently Finished

About a week ago I finished The Highest Frontier by Joan Slonczewski. Mostly I liked this book: the main character was sympathetic, the setting interesting, the ideas cool. It was slow at times, and there were too many ideas. So much was going on, and so many ideas were packed in, that the emotional arc was at times lost in all the detail.

I liked reading about the ultraphytes and the risks and rewards of living on a space habitat, especially going to college there. I liked the many characters: disability was normalized, as were different races, religions, and orientations. People of different classes were represented, and a new class system seemed to be emerging based on genetic cultivation. Scientists were well portrayed. Jenny, the main character, is mostly interested in botany and politics. She volunteers for EMS and a Habitat-for-Humanity-like group, and plays slanball. Meanwhile she has obligations to her famous political family and is mourning her deceased brother.

Whole sections of this book, however, could have been cut out and replaced with things that fleshed out the characters better, spending more time on their emotional development. Ken and Yola, for instance, are pretty 2-dimensional. Or just cutting those sections and not replacing them would have worked also. There is a good emotional arc in this book, and it would have been better served with more attention.
( spoilers )

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Today I spent the day reading Bitterblue by Kristen Cashore and I freaking loved it. It is brilliant. I don't want to give too much away, and I need to think about it some more. But in brief: it focuses on a young queen, bringing her land back from the disastrous rule of her sociopathic father. I loved the central conflicts in this story: truth and lies, seeking out painful memories versus covering up the past, how to heal and move forward when awful painful things have happened to a whole country. And this somewhat sheltered queen trying to figure things out. It was great!

Didn't read

The Female Man by Joanna Russ. I stopped after 50 pages. Couldn't get into it.

What I'll read next

Not sure! My girlfriend and I have been talking about reading a book simultaneously (you know what I mean), but haven't for sure decided which book. She reads mostly history, biography, memoir, some fiction. I read almost exclusively Sf/F but am also interested in books about social justice. Any suggestions?

"Find the nearest book to you, turn to page 45, and read the first sentence: this describes your sex life in 2012."

I saw this several times but right now the nearest book to me is an old Merriam-Webster dictionary.

arabesque n 1: an ornamentation or style that employs flowers, foliage, or fruit and sometimes animal or figural outlines to produce an intricate pattern of interlaced sometimes angular and sometimes curved lines 2: a posture in ballet in which the body is bent forward from the hip on one leg with the corresponding arm extended forward and the other arm and leg backward.