Horses are good company -- The Witcher

My eyes are bothering me lately; anything close-focus is hard. Really challenging as most of my hobbies involve close focus. I have a lot of pain in my mouth and face so concentrating is also difficult.

TV seems to be the way to go but I feel like I've run out of shows.

Enjoying: Murderbot. Also loved The Pitt, and the Old Guard 2. Task Master and DropOut (Game changer, etc), continue to delight.

Other things I've watched:

Mr Robot. Gave up after one season. It's grim and humorless. I liked some of the actors a lot but the aesthetic was so gray on gray, and a high preference for very thin bodies and baggy eyes, like heroin-addict chic. For a thriller it's weirdly slow.

The storied life of AJ Fikry: A cromulent romance / drama on Netflix. Cute if not particularly memorable. It's about people who love reading and live on an island only accessible by ferry. Has multiple characters of color.

I watched 2 episodes of "Nobody Wants This", a rom-com with Kristen Bell. Her character falls in love with a rabbi. The characters felt really thinly drawn and so I did not care about them. There was just no there there, as they say.

The Last Breath: a drama about a survival story involving deep-sea construction workers (based on a true story). I liked this pretty well but think it would have worked better with some documentary-style explanations of what was happening.

Clean Slate: on Amazon Prime, a sitcom about a trans woman reconnecting with her father. I dropped this because I could not see what was happening! There seemed to be a gray film over everything! I might try it again later as it had some good humor and characters.

I tried season three of the Bear but it was unpleasant.

I played Dragon Age: Inquisition through twice, which was very restful for my brain actually. I think it would be a good idea to invest further in video games, which help me pass the time when I'm ill. I don't know much about gaming systems. I'd love to play Dragon Age Veilguard and some other newer games but how to decide on what kind of system to get? They are expensive. I got the Xbox 360 used and have absolutely loved having it.

What are you enjoying watching or playing?

I got a CPAP machine yesterday and was able to use it. There were a great many steps in getting it and setting it up, and there are lots of rules and guidelines about use, which is all intimidating. For example you must use it 4 hours a night (or day) for the trial period, or insurance will not pay for it. You must have a doctor visit within 30 to 90 days. You must use distilled water, scent-free soap, etc. If you travel by air you need to bring along the prescription. SO many rules.

But, I felt much more like myself today. Much more clear-headed. And it felt fine to wear, though it still took me a long time to get to sleep.

I'm feeling optimistic. I've been having a very hard time with pain, fatigue, asthma; this is the first thing that has made a dent in a while.

Dad and I drove around, passing time, and I took us over to the nearby reservoir. We saw a group of ducks and 3 bald eagles! We went for a late lunch at Roosters, a bar and grill; we split a pulled pork sandwich and onion rings. Sally rides along with us in the car and I crack the window a bit if we are going to be a while. She'd rather do that than get left at home.

This afternoon we had heavy, beautiful snow.

Ole the cat is fun, and has caught at least two mice already. He and Sally are not friends (yet) but they are getting along well enough. It's pronounced Oh-lee, like Lena and Ole, the Scandinavian-American stock character couple.

Watched recently:
The Residence, on Netflix. I loved this.
Abbott Elementary
The Pitt

I would just like to mark the day. Abbie, my greyhound dog, passed away peacefully on Decemeber 10. She was nearly 13 years old and was with me for 10 years. She was a quiet, sensitive dog, who mostly liked to lay on her bed, but also enjoyed the dog park where we spent many a lovely hour and where she made friends.

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1. Do you believe that music can have a direct effect on your life?

Music has been so, so helpful over the last year and a half in particular. I made a Spotify playlist for optimistic music / concussion songs, and I keep adding to it. While badly concussed I put that on and let it play 24/7. It helps manage my mood.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7tHhrkr1HWD1wLYAy3u0lT?si=b93a5cbec69b4102

Music is a big part of vidding culture, too.

2. What is your current favorite song?

Strange Currencies by REM, which I sort of re-discovered (as many did), by watching the Bear.

3. What's the one song from junior high that you can still rattle off all the words to?

Most of the country songs from the 90s, which was perhaps a golden age for country? Everyone listened to it here. Probably all of Garth Brook's country discography.

4. Did you have a prom song? Don't be embarrassed, we all did it.

No idea. Prom was not a great experience for me, not like traumatic or anything, but very comp het and deeply uncomfortable. Well. I had an instance of selective mutism during prom that lasted hours so maybe it was a bit bad.

5. Do you and your significant other have a "song" that you share?

I don't have a sig other, but there are plenty of songs I associate with people. My mom likes Ann Reed's "The Fair," Rosemary Clooney, Joan Baez, the Beatles. My dad will listen to anything but he particularly likes that guy who is married to Amy Grant, a country singer I can never remember the name of.

Most beautiful weather here today; intensely blue skies, a crispness to the air that usually signifies Autumn. Frogs singing. I went for a walk up the hill which I am trying to do every day, for my mental / emotional health. I pick some apples off the tree to throw into the pasture for the sheep and the horse. I look for cool rocks. I take photos. Today this was the best part of my day. I also like talking on the phone or texting while walking around. I have a plastic chair up on the hill, by the water tank, which I put out there a while back, so I could sit and supervise the kids playing. Today I discovered a patch of self-seeded ("volunteer") decorative gourds growing in the feed lot.

We stayed home today. We did visit mom yesterday and she seemed ok. I am better off not visiting her, but have a hard time saying no. I don't mind driving down there once in a while (it's a beautiful trip), and the occasional visit to restock her clothes, etc, but I can't be going so often. It's weird how I can feel guilty for not doing enough, even while I'm doing all i possibly can.

I am feeling heavy and achy. A bit overwhelmed with the responsibilities of life. Chronic illness keeps kicking my ass.

I saw someone on Tumblr suggest, instead of "pouring from an empty cup", think "boiling an empty kettle," because, it's dangerous to boil an empty kettle. Similarly, instead of "out of gas" think "out of oil." This one might work better with my family of car guys.

Neighbor Karen brought us a peach pie tonight fresh from her oven!

I'm struggling with pain / fatigue / depression. Here are some things that help me, if you are so inclined!

1. Kind comments, on posts or on my Ao3 fanworks.
https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasha_feather/works

2. Money. Thanks to people who have sent me money; today I felt like I could order food without worrying about the cost, and that was very nice.
My paypal is https://paypal.me/sandphin?country.x=US&locale.x=en_US
CashApp: https://cash.app/$sandphin

3. Recs for things to watch. I have a bunch of streaming services, and a very local library. My restrictions are: minimal flashing lights and shaky cam; English or English dubbed. Can't do very fast talking either.

I like almost everything but especially: queer stuff, documentaries, comedies, romance, adventure, heists, SFF, animals. I'm not so into murder/cop shows (there are some exceptions), and not into slasher horror.

4. Phones calls and paper mail and kind thoughts.

Stress, family, health stuff under the cut.
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I did a great puzzle that is all book cover art of American novels. Really an ideal puzzle because a) not actually difficult, b) good subject matter, and c) 1000 pieces means it takes a few days to finish. It would be fun to make more puzzles like this of book covers; you could make ones for various genres.

Yesterday I had a modicum of energy and went into books to prisoners for a few minutes, mostly to talk to a local journalist. That was really fun, I miss going to sessions. I love thinking and talking about activism, queerness, ideas, books.

Watched:
After Midnight, really good one today with Patton Oswalt, Terry Crews, Joe Manganiello, all just having a blast together.
A Court of Fey and Flowers - my first experience watching an 'Actual Play' of table-top roleplaying. I don't always understand what is going on, which is frustrating at times and makes me feel like I'm working too hard cognitively. The solution here is to try and just enjoy it without following every little thing. The actors are amazing and I especially love Aabria, the DM.
Dropout TV is really good, they center respect and kindness in their humor. I'm caught up on Smartypants and Thousandaires, two new shows.

List of stuff I've watched, catching up from the last couple of weeks. Watching stuff is about all I can do right now. Due to concussion I'm watching things in English, with minimal flashing lights and otherwise visually easy to process, and taking recommendations.

Bank of Dave - boring but fine. nice to see Joel Fry (of Our flag means death) playing a young lawyer, who is helping a man start a small bank, and going up against the establishment. Comp het romance plotline was dull.
Beautiful Game - about the Homeless World Cup (soccer). Not very good but not horrible.

Merpeople - 4-ep documentary series about people who are, or want to be, professional mermaids, who perform at shows. The best part of this was the costumes and the photography. I appreciated that they showed the society of fat mermaids, and talked about queerness and race. Netflix.

By Hook or By Crook - an independent film from 2001 about two trans guys who are best friends. They are living a marginal existence, having adventures. This was super interesting and I loved it. The captions were terrible.

Last Voyage of the Demeter - Dracula thriller with a cool concept-- these people are at sea on a big sailing vessel, and a monster is on board with them-- but this was a bit disappointing. Not as fun or twisty as it could have been. You know the monster is going to live, so there is nothing satisfying in the narrative.

Godzilla Minus One. This is in Japanese but has a pretty decent dub, which worked much better for me cognitively. I went in knowing almost nothing about this film, and ended up absolutely adoring it. It's also the first Godzilla film I've seen. So, if it interests you at all, I encourage you to check it out. I have a lot of thoughts about this film but will save those up for a later post.

Under Paris - also has an English dub. This is a silly movie about a huge shark in the Seine. A scientist, some cops, and some young eco-warriors are trying to find the shark and almost all of them get eaten! It's just ridiculous and fun, and there are many scenes with divers down in the catacombs. A good bad movie where you sort of root for the monster.

Sue Bird: In the Clutch. A documentary about the career of the WNBA star. This is about 90 percent basketball, and 10 percent about her being a lesbian and an activist, coming out publically when she started dating Megan Rapinoe, etc, which are the parts I'm more interested in. Sometimes I wish I liked sports but we must accept who we are. Netflix.

QueenPins - a comedy about two friends who do some non-violent crime, via stealing and selling coupons. The two friends are pretty great, played by Kristen Bell and Kirby (both of "the good place"). There is a parallel plot involving cop-like dudes tracking the queenpins, and these people I hated. I've never liked Vince Vaughan, and the other guy was a fatphobic loser stereotype. So, I liked half this movie fairly well and hated the other half.

A Walk in the Woods - Did not finish, due to really nasty, vile fat phobia, specifically directed at fat women. Shame on you, people who made this film.

Out of Africa - 1985 adaptation of Isak Dineson's memoir, about her adventures in East Africa in the early 20th century. It's simultaneously a beautiful, well-made romance, and then it's also so disgustingly colonialist and racist. What a bizarre world we live in.

I really wanted to go see Furiosa last week, so I did! My vision is problematic lately so I was worried about that, but I took some edible and closed my eyes during some of the previews. The movie itself, I was able to enjoy-- because there is little to no flashing lights, and little to no shaky cam, thank you to the editors and others on this film for taking this approach. I think editor Margaret Sixel is a genius. It cheered me up to go to the movies. I don't have a ton to say about this, I need to think about it more, but it was beautiful to look it.

Challengers, starring the always-amazing Zendaya, was super fun and good. Very sexy, queer, and into complicated relationships, all tied together by a tennis match. Dang. I loved this. It just works and is so satisfying.

Hit Man, Netflix movie starring Adria Arjona (who was in Andor) and Glen Powell. Very funny comedy about a mild-mannered guy who works part-time with the police as a fake hitman. He records confessions from would-be murderers. This is so much fun, really well done film.

Pretty frustrated about my health right now but luckily there are plenty of things to watch.

American Fiction. Recent movie about a writer who is tired of being pigeonholed as a Black writer. He journeys home to deal with some family emergencies. While there he furiously writes a joke pulpy urban novel that turns out to be a hit.

Loved this. It was dryly funny and smart. What a delight. Features Sterling K. Brown playing a newly-out gay man.

Maid. Netflix limited series about a young woman, Alex, trying to escape domestic violence, along with her young daughter, Maddy. She finds work as a maid which takes her to some interesting homes and gives her material for her creative writing.

This was very sensitively told, very serious, very affecting. I liked it a lot but at times it was pretty heavy. Alex's mother is mentally ill. Alex doesn't have anyone she can really trust. The ups and downs were Dickensian. Alex as a character is wonderful; she's a survivor and is very compassionate towards other survivors. She is sensitive and is endlessly patient with her child.

I'm not sure about the race politics in casting and producing this-- Alex and her family are white, and surely most maids are not-- but this is also inspired by a true story. I do wonder if the reason her story got told at all is due to whiteness; it's also true that there are white people living in these situations. There are people of color around her.

Bodkin, on Netflix, a dramedy and murder mystery, 1 short season.

2 podcasters and an investigative journalist travel to a small Irish town to investigate a cold case. This was ridiculous and fun, with a lot of characters and twists that were hard to keep track of. Will Forte plays the main podcaster and he's very funny as a naive and friendly American. The investigative journalist is a mean Irish lesbian. The third companion is the podcast researcher, a young woman who was maybe a bit underdeveloped as a character but ultimately is very competent.

There were a couple of violent moments that were unnecessary and the story was over-complicated, but overall I liked this. I especially liked getting a mystery story that was not pro-cop! Indeed it was anti-cop!