Horses are good company -- The Witcher

Going to hang out here and Tumblr since these are places I can keep relatively doom-free.

I have been dealing with intense stress for years now, but particularly in the last 5 months, and I have skills I've honed over that time.

I concentrate on things that fill the metaphorical pitcher. They feel good, are satisfying, are calming. These include taking photos, working on jigsaw puzzles, petting animals, caring for plants, collecting rocks and pebbles, and cleaning / de-cluttering. It also helps to connect with friends, sending photos or emojis, just some little "hi" like that, or longer interactions if possible. Anything creative, if I have the energy and can tame the anxiety: making things is one of the more satisfying experiences in life.

Where I can, I contribute to my volunteer organization, LGBT Books to Prisoners. I am not able to do much these days but I did sit on the meeting and boss people around a little bit. Doing small things to improve the situation for folks. Caretaking, service.

I pay attention to sensory joy, a term I learned from autistic bloggers. I wear clothes that are soft and comfortable. I have soft blankets and a teddy bear on my bed. Strings of "fairy lights" (not Christmas themed but what I called Christmas lights growing up). Diet Mountain Dew, I realized, is a sensory joy for me and why I drink it so much. Music is a big one. Jewelry. Beautiful artwork. Pay attention when something feels good, note it, and try to increase that feeling in your life.

I'm investing in my space to try to make it as pleasing as possible, and shout-out here to the maid service we have cleaning the house. It's been SO nice. Incredibly worthy investment, which I think notions of class and pride interfere with for many of us. For me it's about disability. Every time they come I think "there's no such thing as unskilled labor" because they are so quick and professional.

Something my friend said else-net was along the lines of "people don't want me to feel this bad." I had this thought a couple of months ago, too: If people knew how I was suffering, they would help if they could, and that motivated me to ask for help, and keep asking. I am still practicing asking for help, and contending with confusing feelings around that.

Shout-out to legal marijuana in Minnesota. I wish this for everyone who desires it. Regular use of edibles has saved me. It temporarily relieves some of my pain and anxiety, and the only side effect is some dehydration. I am overly careful with it due to my anxious nature.

Boundaries, they can be tough but are so important. Sometimes (often) I don't answer my phone. It's gonna irritate and baffle some people but that is their problem because it helps keep me sane. At the end of the day I am accountable only to myself.

Journaling has helped me in the past, and so I will try to continue with it as a practice.

Stress, family, health stuff under the cut.
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I did a great puzzle that is all book cover art of American novels. Really an ideal puzzle because a) not actually difficult, b) good subject matter, and c) 1000 pieces means it takes a few days to finish. It would be fun to make more puzzles like this of book covers; you could make ones for various genres.

Yesterday I had a modicum of energy and went into books to prisoners for a few minutes, mostly to talk to a local journalist. That was really fun, I miss going to sessions. I love thinking and talking about activism, queerness, ideas, books.

Watched:
After Midnight, really good one today with Patton Oswalt, Terry Crews, Joe Manganiello, all just having a blast together.
A Court of Fey and Flowers - my first experience watching an 'Actual Play' of table-top roleplaying. I don't always understand what is going on, which is frustrating at times and makes me feel like I'm working too hard cognitively. The solution here is to try and just enjoy it without following every little thing. The actors are amazing and I especially love Aabria, the DM.
Dropout TV is really good, they center respect and kindness in their humor. I'm caught up on Smartypants and Thousandaires, two new shows.

Given how stressed and sick I've been, I guess it's no surprise really that my period is 10 days overdue. Normally it's very regular. (no I'm not pregnant).

It's been a stressful summer.

I'm back on Prednisone for a few days and already feeling somewhat better. Getting hit with the RA/asthma truck has been no picnic.

I'm following the Ferguson news on Twitter. It's difficult to read, and difficult to not read.

Sorcha is still whining incessantly. I see from my journal that this has been going on for more than a month -- probably more like six weeks. I'm taking her back to the vet on Wednesday to get her thyroid levels checked.

Other things we've tried:
I moved my bed so she can see me better from my crate.
I turned a night light on overnight.
Sitting with her on the couch to watch TV and movies. Three feet away in my chair isn't close enough-- I have to be like, touching and petting her to stop her whining. And I can't type with her on the couch because she paws at the screen and keyboard.
Distracting with treats.
A thundershirt. (Had to take a break from the shirt today because I may have left it on too long yesterday.)

The worst is when I try to lie down for a nap and she won't let me sleep.

I posted on the Greyhound bulletin board-- run by the rescue group-- asking for advice. So far, no help.

She does not seem to be in pain, not that I can tell. She still runs hard at the park, some days, and still hops in and out of the car, walks fine, etc. It seems more like anxiety, but that strange thing it how it started relatively recently.

Any ideas??

I went and saw Thor. It was as expected: silly, fun, and definitely worth the $2.50 I paid for the cheap seats matinee. Surprisingly good actors populated this movie. Four, Four, femail characters appeared in this movie and it's a surprise Bechdel pass for a couple of scenes where Natalie Portman talks with her research assistant, Darcy. Lady Sif and Darcy have no love interests! And there are two people of color that we see in Asgard: Tadanobu Asano as one of Thor's buddy warriors, and Idris Elba as the guy who guards the gate and operates the magical wormhole device. Not bad.

Today I slept a lot and went to a board game gathering. I avoided working on the paper of doom that has been weighing over my head for a long time. Unfinished projects, argh, why must you be so stressful. I had previously used a free trial of EndNote, but that's expired, so now I think I'm going to switch over to Zotero. Re-enter the references. *sigh*