Horses are good company -- The Witcher

I was having intense, somewhat scary ear pain, so I went to see a doc yesterday. She was someone I haven't seen before, but same department-- they fit me in, in other words. She was very good and weirdly easy to talk to (I don't often find new people easy to talk to).

No apparent infection. She thought this is RA inflammation in my jaw and prescribed steroids. Indeed my jaw is frequently (always?) painful but worse lately.

I took them yesterday afternoon and felt better pretty quickly. Of course steroids have their own side effects; I was up all night which is not exactly unusual for me but the steroids probably contributed. While talking to her I realized that I feel like my rheumatologist doesn't take me seriously; he seems to think I'm fine when in reality I am not. So my plan is to push a bit harder when I see him.

My mom also said something that stuck with me. She was talking about my dad having dementia, and that he probably has had it for longer than we realized, because "very intelligent people know how to cover it up." I was like, oh, I do that. I cover up my symptoms without even realizing it, sometimes. This isn't always bad-- one finds creative work-arounds for problems. One finds coping mechanisms. But then it isn't always apparent to others that there even is a problem.

With my dad, it was often subtle things that you can kind of brush off or make excuses for. And it's not like you can do much for dementia anyways but it's nice to let people in and let them know you are struggling so they can try to accommodate you and offer emotional support. I'm definitely my dad's child, this sort of thing is not easy for me.

This is a holiday letter that I may or may not send to my family. I am trying to be more open and honest, and, when it comes to the biologicals, this does not come naturally to me.

2018 year in review

Holiday greetings to you!

I’m still living in the same cozy apartment in Madison, with my very wonderful roommate Christina, and my Greyhound Abbie. This year we added a snake to the house: an orange corn snake named Finnegan. He eats frozen mice. Abbie and I frequently walk at the nearby dog park, where we have a lot of friends, both canine and human. Christina and I enjoy playing Lego games on our old 2nd-hand Xbox.

This year I volunteered frequently with LGBT Books to Prisoners, a local non-profit. We sent about 2600 packages of books to prisoners across the US this year. At volunteer sessions, we pick out books specific to each individual from a library of donated books, typically 4-5 books to a package. Popular requests are dictionaries, composition books, language learning books, how-to-draw books, and queer fiction. Recently, I was fortunate to be able to attend a lecture by Mariame Kaba, who spoke about prison abolition. Through these experiences I’ve been learning a lot about how prisons exist to harm people.

I was lucky to be able to attend two plays this year: “As You Like It” at American Players Theater, which is outdoors, and “Fun Home” (based on the Alison Bechdel book), at the Overture Center in Madison. Fun Home was an especially amazing production.

I enjoyed attending my comic book club, which meets once a month. Some of my favorite comic books that I read in 2018 were: Sleepless by Sarah Vaughn and Leila del Duca; My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness by Kabi Nagata; and Hawkeye: Anchor Points by Kelly Thompson and Leonardo Romero.

Over Thanksgiving, I got to see my family, including seven niblings aged 4 to 13. (“Nibling” is a new word I learned that is a gender-neutral word for niece or nephew). We had a lot of fun playing in the barn and competing at Apples to Apples.

I spend a lot of my time managing my health. I was officially diagnosed with RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) in 2012. RA is an autoimmune illness that can affect all parts of the body. Because of the RA, I get tired easily and must rest a lot. I have nerve pain in my face, which may or may not be related to the RA, which I also largely manage with rest. I am very grateful to family and friends who have supported me in many ways through this illness.

Best wishes to you and yours!

----

Having a weird mood crash. It helped to get out of the house and do things, so I picked up another shift at the humane society. Also: air conditioning. It was 85 degrees F today (29 C), which is hot for this early in the season, and I'm not used to it yet.

I dropped off some clothes at Good Will and went inside to admire their newly remodeled store.

Went to the dog park. Mostly sat on a bench in the shade, and eventually some of the regulars came by so I sat and listened to them chat. Ended up spending close to two hours at the park.

Watered some plants. It's time for this asparagus fern to get rehomed, because it just stabbed me in the finger with one of its thorns. Some of the other plants I have look a little rough from being newly placed outside.

Picked some strawberries from the back garden and am eating them right now!

I broke a glass today and a plate yesterday. Dropping things and not-quite-grasping things is one of those weird RA symptoms. I think my anxious/depressed mood is a combo of missing WisCon people and having inflammation and the hot weather.

My computer started today after a couple of days of not starting. I think the problem is the power port. I was trying to positive-talk myself about it but let me tell you, once it started up, I was instantly so relieved and 100% less cranky. The internet (ie my people here and writing about things, and distracting myself, etc) is such a huge support system for me!!

I had a terrible arthritis week, but things seem to be improving today.

I've been plaing a lot of Dragon Age: Inquisition. Probably too much. But I'm really enjoying it. I've never played a game like this before. It's so huge and so much fun to explore. I love the landscapes. My inquisitor, whom I've called Althea, has dark skin, green eyes, and almost no hair. I started as an archer but ended up having her fight with two blades.

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