sasha_feather: Big book of Lesbian Horse stories book cover (lesbian horse stories)
1. What's the happiest thing to ever happen to you?
Getting a horse for Christmas when I was 11. Penny and I were soul-friends and I had so many good times with her. Here is a photo of us the next summer: https://flic.kr/p/63nL6f

2. What's the saddest thing to ever happen to you?
Maybe when my 2 best friends broke up with me when we were 11-ish (6th grade). In therapy, I determined this to be a watershed event for learning to shut down my emotions; and also the ringleader probably sensed something gay about me, and that is why she decided to stop talking to me. Also, the way they did it! They just stopped talking to me one day. I was bewildered more than anything.

3. What's the thing that got you the most angry in your life?
Probably at a therapist. I was about a day or two into a hypo-manic episode (?) after coming out and I thought she could help me. She didn't. I did write about it at the time http://sasha-feather.dreamwidth.org/375687.html (post was filtered but it's so long ago I will unfilter it, temporarily. Many of my older posts are locked down to private).
I got so angry about the Vivid Con ableism stuff in 2010 that I made myself ill. But, that anger has faded. I don't really feel it anymore.
I didn't get angry a lot before I came out; and then I was angry *all the time*; it seems better now a few years on.

4. What's the most frightening thing to ever happen to you?
Scary situations don't really "happen to me" so much as arise from my anxiety. I have gotten super anxious in totally mundane situations. It seemed like the only way out of the problem was to speak, and I was so anxious I could not speak, so I was stuck and frozen. Also, I didn't know why this was happening. Everyone else seemed to have no problem in these ordinary situations, like speaking to a teacher or knocking on a door. Then having random panic attacks sent me to therapy.
In a more traditional sense of frightening-- there was some scary-to-outsiders stuff with the horses, like getting bucked off. But it never seemed scary to me. Animals are easier than people, and that basic fear is easier to deal with than anxiety.

5. What's the most unbelievable thing to happen to you in your life?
a. Getting scholarships that paid for my college education
b. Getting a horse for Christmas!!!11!1!!!
c. Not realizing I was queer until age mumblety
d. getting facial pain that has no real diagnosis
e. Being on the State Champion poutlry quiz bowl team!
sasha_feather: sirius black from harry potter films (sirius black)
Films:
MOONLIGHT omg sublime
Arrival
Ghostbusters 2016
Rogue One
Zootopia

TV:
Luke Cage
Stranger Things
Brooklyn 99
Elementary
@midnight
Yuri!! on Ice

Books:
Saga by Vaughn and Staples
TJ and Amal by E.K. Weaver
O Human Star! by Blue Dellaquanti
Lab Girl by Hope Jahren
March book 3 by John Lewis et al

Games:
Stardew Valley
Gone Home
Children of Ur
Candy Crush
Hexels http://benhardy.github.io/hexels/

Personal/social:
Walking at the dog park
[personal profile] were_duck's baby, the bleb
Visiting and having lunch with [personal profile] jesse_the_k
Visiting my parents on the farm; seeing family members over Labor Day weekend
My dog park friend got a kidney from his daughter
Making up with and walking with my friend R.
I had a sort of emotional fling (as opposed to a physical fling); which fizzled out but was fun while it lasted, this happened last winter.
I saw [personal profile] anna_bird for the first time in years!
Visited with many friends at WisCon
Gardening and hanging out with my roommate
Comics Club!
Socializing with old friends, and making new twitter friends
2 of my friends got their surgeries funded using social media!

Work and creative:
Volunteering at the humane society
Starting a fan vid! And perhaps more importantly, starting a fan vid club!
I posted one fic on the Ao3 this year (nsfw), and I think it's probably my best fic, idk.
As always, I enjoyed taking pictures and posting them to Flickr!
Meeting with the Anti-Abuse sub-committee for WisCon
Lots of health work, most of which is tedious, except for water bending class which is fun.

ETA:
I also read a lot of fanfic. The standout ones are:
Stuck on the Puzzle by the spectaclesofthor

Known Associates by thingswithwings

Ain't No Grave by spitandvinegar
sasha_feather: Black, white, and red image of woman with futuristic helmet (Sci Fi Woman)
"Pitch" was hard to watch this week; it centered on Ginny's friendships. In her life friendship is tenuous. People move away or get traded to other teams. It's the nature of her profession.

spoilers for ep ...5 i think )

eta to expand and unlock

I'm so grateful for the frienships I've been able to maintain that seem to be able to last despite distance and circumstance and the friend getting married, etc; and social media seems to help a lot. A whole lot. I mean, having friends on the internet means that your friends go with you wherever the internet is, which is a lot of places. You take your internet friends with you when you travel or when you move. They are available all the time, if you don't mind waiting a little while for a reply. You can Skype or google chat. You can send each other funny memes. You can find friends with your strange, particular interests. Anyways, here's to you, internet friends!
sasha_feather: neat looking overcoat (coat)
A while back [personal profile] longwhitecoats asked on Twitter about movies that influenced our queer identities.

I was thinking about this last night; and it's possible I've written about all or most of this before in 2009-ish. Queer identity is not static, but shifts over time. However, for me, my queer identity was most in focus when I was coming out, and the TV, movies, and other media I consumed mattered a lot.

Firefly-- specifically, Simon Tam. It's not just that the actor is gay, though that is part of it. It's that he's uncomfortable and feels unsafe, so he retreats into what he knows, which is medicine and manners. He acts differently around men vs. women-- women he treats as friends and confidants; with men there is something else going on-- the charge of attraction. He does like Kaylee, but I think what he feels is envy. Kaylee is comfortable in her skin, in touch with her desires, and free to act upon them. His opposite. (Also, it's nice when someone has a crush on you; but his supposed flirting is beyond awkward and into painful.)

About a Boy-- not a gay movie at all. But what I related to here was Will Freeman's solitude, the aspect that feelings and connections with other people are messy and scary, and it's better to avoid them and just be alone. The plot of the film involves Marcus and his mother disrupting Will's patterns and forcing Will to form connections, to be more honest and vulnerable, to have feelings. These might seem like small risks to some people but they are big risks for others, for those with anxiety for instance. For me, a big part of coming out was admitting that I am sensitive and anxious, and really dealing with having lots of feelings.

But I'm a Cheerleader-- So much love for this film. What strikes me now is Megan's concept of herself as a normal, good person, and how it's difficult for her mesh that concept with being gay. In many ways she's conformist, obedient, wants to please others; coming out means she really can't do so anymore. News flash: gay is normal; but it means you are going to be an outcast. I wish I'd seen this film sooner.

Queer as Folk-- I watched this really fast and doubt I'd enjoy it as much now; but at the time it was like an oasis in the desert. I was working a terrible, exhausting job, and I latched onto QaF and Buffy like my life depended on it. Gay people and sex and culture-- just, stuff I really hadn't had much exposure to, and needed to see. (Curiously, I later tried to watch the L word and hated it; idk.)

The Crying Game-- it's sad that this movie became a punch line to hundreds of jokes, because it's a beautiful film. I should watch it again; my memory of it is fuzzy but I remember having an understanding of what the characters were going through.
sasha_feather: Max from Dark Angel (Max from Dark Angel)
After reading [personal profile] thingswithwings' latest fic, Odd One Out, and relating a lot to Eliot in that story, I am idly wondering if I am perhaps aromantic.

It seems like a simple relationship style that would work for me.

There is a lot of upheaval going on in the world and in my community right now. Things are rapidly coming into hard focus. Sustained anger seems to be really working for me right now actually. *Imagines Eliot growling*
sasha_feather: white woman in space suit (Astronaut)
[personal profile] jesse_the_k asked: Is there a childhood goal/ambition/undertaking you're still interested in doing?

Or if not, how do you feel about setting out goals/ambitions/undertakings?


Goals make me nervous and I avoid them unless absolutely necessary.

I asked for an easier question, and she said "How did you decide to become a scientist?"

In junior high, my two favorite subjects were biology and English, which is still basically true, although now I would replace English with "social justice" or media studies, which were not school courses back then. I've gotten less interested in science for science's sake, but I'm glad to do it for my job, and I'm glad to have a job that is just my job, which I don't take home. I like having hobbies and interests that are distinct from my paid work. I'm more of a small-s scientist, and that is fine with me. I have a lot of interests and I don't want my job to consume my whole life.

I like biology because I love nature, and I have a suitably analytical and equivocal mind. I went with biology because it seemed like the work would be more secure than a creative field. I also had an idea that research might be a way to leave the world better than I found it, so to speak. I went with epidemiology because I am good at, and like, seeing the big picture and connections between things.

As a kid I wanted to be a (published, fiction) writer, and it took me until my 20s to give that up. Once I met fiction writers at conventions, and got a handle on the reality of the profession, I realized I didn't fit in with them. I fit in with fan fic writers, and this is where I belong. I actually have published a couple of non-fiction essays and one scientific article, so there's that. I like blogging, writing fan fic, etc, more, because it involves hanging out with other people. I like collaborative work and being around others, sharing in the creation and enjoyment of the work. Anyways, it was actually a big relief to give up that goal! Which is part of why I distrust goals.

I'm a generalist, and as such, I did well in school up until graduate school-- because graduate school encourages hyper-specialization and single-mindedness. I wasn't happy in grad school. I'm pretty happy with the type of work I do because it has a fair amount of variety to it.

I remember thinking that it would be great to be a "Steerswoman" from the Rosemary Kerstein books: a true generalist, who explores, makes maps, collects information and stories, does experiments, and is widely respected by her people. I'm maybe a bit too shy for that job (Rowan has to do some very brave things!), but maybe I could be part of a two-person team and that would make it easier.
sasha_feather: Black, white, and red image of woman with futuristic helmet (Sci Fi Woman)
Meme: Please fill out this survey so I can get to know you better. Old friends, fill it out too! Even if I know you well, I may find out something about you I never knew. Feel free to spread this around so we can all get to know each other. If there is a question you don't want to or don't know how to answer, just tell me something else instead.


Name: Sasha
Preferred gender pronoun: she/her is fine. I don't feel strongly about this.

Skipping the birthday and where do you live questions. :p

What are you studying/What are you working as: I'm a study coordinator for Alzheimer's disease research. My background is epidemiology / microbiology / infectious diseases, but I've been a study coordinator for a while and the skill set is the same for whatever area one is working on. It's science, but with face-to-face people interaction, which is nice. I like the diversity of the tasks I do: some working with data, some logistical things, some working with people, some writing and editing.

What makes you happy/hobbies: Walking my dog, working with plants, taking photos, watching fanvids with friends, sitting on porches, being outside. The internet. Reading.

An interesting fact about you: I used to show chickens, and when I graduated from 4-H I organized the local poultry show for a couple of years. I went to the national livestock show for poultry judging one year in high school.

Are you in love/have a crush at the moment? I probably have minor crushes on some of you right now. :p

Favorite place to be: Outside, around plants and animals. I love the back pasture at my parents' place, and pretty much any wild place. I also have a particular fondness for dark movie theaters.

A word to describe yourself: tired.

FANDOM

Favorite Fandom(s): I'm going to steal whump's answer and say that the meta parts of fandom are my favorite.

OTP/OT3: Charles/Erik; the SGA OT4; Sherlock and John. Probably lots of others since I read in several fandoms.

Celebrities you flail over: I try not to do this because celebrities usually disappoint me somehow. I flail over my friends instead.

Favorite music: Neko Case FOREVER! Janelle Monae, REM, older U2. Been listening to fun. all the time lately.

PLUS

One thing you like about DW: Cut tag expandrrrrrrrr, and all the little ways the site is designed to be user-friendly

Two things you like about yourself: I'm thoughtful and compassionate, most of the time

What House in Hogwarts are you in/would you be in? Hufflepuff pride!
sasha_feather: Simon from Firefly, laughing (Simon)
Tonight we were playing a game, "What character from X TV show/fandom are you?"

My picks are
BSG: Felix Gaeta
Firefly: Simon Tam
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Dr. Julian Bashir
Stargate Atlantis: John Sheppard, but the particular version of him that doesn't like to talk (there are many John Sheppards.)

This list needs more women. I'm going to think on some cowgirls to add to this list.

I'm also in Hufflepuff House.

pictures below the cut )

Feel free to post your picks in the comments or in your own journals! For whatever fandoms. :)

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sasha_feather: Retro-style poster of skier on pluto.   (Default)
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