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Fan works portraying mental illness*
May. 31st, 2018 06:42 pm[content note: mental illness, coming out]
*I'm not sure that "illness" is the right word to use here; but not sure what fits better.
A couple of works of art that I feel reflect some aspects of my own particular kind of mental illness.
I recently watched "Evening on the Ground," an SGA vid by hollywoodgrrl. I can't find a link to this online at the moment (if anyone has it, please comment and I will add the link). This vid uses very fast cutting. It's a character study of John Sheppard, a war veteran and soldier who probably has PTSD, guilt issues, and anxiety. I do not mean to compare my experience to his, but this one particular little piece, the fast cutting, represents to me the sense of having your thoughts happen too fast. It is a disorienting and stressful experience. Your mind and heart race. You know too much, you feel too much.
In dira sudis' story "Sell your body to the night",
(https://archiveofourown.org/works/2838161)
(a podfic is also available:https://archiveofourown.org/works/5145440)
Stile is dealing with a specific trauma. His mind compartmentalizes and he very carefully does not think about the trauma. He is in survival mode; he lives according to a specific set of rules and routines that he has created. He knows that if he thinks about the trauma, he will come apart.
The type of compartmentalization is something that happened to me when I was in the closet. I kept my anxiety and my feelings *away* somewhere in order to function in the world. It was not a conscious process. When I finally did come out, I fell apart for a while. My thoughts came too fast and I felt too much.
Now, I am so good at compartmentalization that it happens automatically. I function well in the world, for the most part, but I end up never processing certain things that have happened to me. And then I have panic attacks.
It is soothing to think about art that is reflective of my seemingly unusual experience. Perhaps it is not so unusual, but I don't hear people talk about it much, or see this kind of experience portrayed in mainstream art or entertainment.
*I'm not sure that "illness" is the right word to use here; but not sure what fits better.
A couple of works of art that I feel reflect some aspects of my own particular kind of mental illness.
I recently watched "Evening on the Ground," an SGA vid by hollywoodgrrl. I can't find a link to this online at the moment (if anyone has it, please comment and I will add the link). This vid uses very fast cutting. It's a character study of John Sheppard, a war veteran and soldier who probably has PTSD, guilt issues, and anxiety. I do not mean to compare my experience to his, but this one particular little piece, the fast cutting, represents to me the sense of having your thoughts happen too fast. It is a disorienting and stressful experience. Your mind and heart race. You know too much, you feel too much.
In dira sudis' story "Sell your body to the night",
(https://archiveofourown.org/works/2838161)
(a podfic is also available:https://archiveofourown.org/works/5145440)
Stile is dealing with a specific trauma. His mind compartmentalizes and he very carefully does not think about the trauma. He is in survival mode; he lives according to a specific set of rules and routines that he has created. He knows that if he thinks about the trauma, he will come apart.
The type of compartmentalization is something that happened to me when I was in the closet. I kept my anxiety and my feelings *away* somewhere in order to function in the world. It was not a conscious process. When I finally did come out, I fell apart for a while. My thoughts came too fast and I felt too much.
Now, I am so good at compartmentalization that it happens automatically. I function well in the world, for the most part, but I end up never processing certain things that have happened to me. And then I have panic attacks.
It is soothing to think about art that is reflective of my seemingly unusual experience. Perhaps it is not so unusual, but I don't hear people talk about it much, or see this kind of experience portrayed in mainstream art or entertainment.
