My spirits are pretty high considering, and I have retained my sense of humor. I do get lonely and anxious in the evenings. It seems to help if I talk to people and make sure to eat enough food. So, I'm talking on the phone way more than I have in years. It turns out I enjoy it when I get to talk to fandom friends and laugh about ridiculous things.

Hardest things right now: pain all over my body, slightly blurry vision, dizziness if I move too fast. It's hard to try to find things to do that don't make my symptoms worse.

I am grateful that I have so many friends helping to take care of me. I feel really lucky.

Watched: Mae Martin's comedy special "Sap." I loved this and laughed very hard. It's on netflix.
Finished "Shadow and Bone" season 2.

Ok what happened? I had a seizure and spent a few days in the hospital. I don't remember much of it.

( Read more... )

I was having intense, somewhat scary ear pain, so I went to see a doc yesterday. She was someone I haven't seen before, but same department-- they fit me in, in other words. She was very good and weirdly easy to talk to (I don't often find new people easy to talk to).

No apparent infection. She thought this is RA inflammation in my jaw and prescribed steroids. Indeed my jaw is frequently (always?) painful but worse lately.

I took them yesterday afternoon and felt better pretty quickly. Of course steroids have their own side effects; I was up all night which is not exactly unusual for me but the steroids probably contributed. While talking to her I realized that I feel like my rheumatologist doesn't take me seriously; he seems to think I'm fine when in reality I am not. So my plan is to push a bit harder when I see him.

My mom also said something that stuck with me. She was talking about my dad having dementia, and that he probably has had it for longer than we realized, because "very intelligent people know how to cover it up." I was like, oh, I do that. I cover up my symptoms without even realizing it, sometimes. This isn't always bad-- one finds creative work-arounds for problems. One finds coping mechanisms. But then it isn't always apparent to others that there even is a problem.

With my dad, it was often subtle things that you can kind of brush off or make excuses for. And it's not like you can do much for dementia anyways but it's nice to let people in and let them know you are struggling so they can try to accommodate you and offer emotional support. I'm definitely my dad's child, this sort of thing is not easy for me.

1. A couple of my plants looked very bad after I left them alone for 2 weeks, but when I got home I put them in the sink and soaked them, and they seem to be doing OK now.

2. I am really enjoying the Expanse season 6! The writing and acting are so good. The women are powerful and interesting and bad ass.

3. Adulting I did today included cancelling a couple of auto-renewing online subscriptions and changing my bed sheets. I backed up and deleted some media from my computer.

4. It's hard to tell but I might still have a sinus infection even after a course of antibiotics. Frustrating.

5. While I was at the farm visiting my family, I read a really wonderful book called "The Darkness Outside Us." It's a hard SciFi book about two astronauts on a rescue mission. It's marketed as YA. Highly recommended, gripping, precisely plotted, and also gay!

I'm having a disease flare and am feeling more sick than usual. Despite this I did a couple of fun things recently, in an effort to get out of the apartment and see people more.

On Friday I went to the zoo with a friend. We have a nice local zoo that is free, and I used to go there a lot but haven't been in years. We especially admired the giraffe, rhino, seals, and otters. They have big glass walls where you can observe the seals and otters swimming underwater.

Today I went to a cemetery walk run by the local veterans' museum. They have re-enactors portraying some of the local folks who are buried in the cemetery and this year they focused on women of WWI and WWII. One of them was an awesome lesbian woman. Our tour guide was a little bit awkward but I loved the actors.

I'm grateful to have lots of good TV to watch, because things are a bit hard right now and I need to rest so much. I am achy, not sleeping super great, and using my inhaler every day. I'm also grateful that my dog is low maintenance.

Abbie got a new dog bed in the mail from her friends in New York State. It's a memory foam bed. It took her a week to try it out and now she loves it.

1. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. My breathing is not great and I slept most of today. May have to ask for help with some things, specifically my medication assistance forms.

2. My new sofa arrived! I like it a lot.

3. Abbie was having some dinner time angst and it was becoming a problem. She'd whine and pace, want me to put things on her food, and seemed anxious. A friend suggested I try wet food for her, and that did the trick. She eats it right up, then settles down and sleeps. It's more expensive but worth it.

4. I couldn't sleep last night so I watched "The Emperor's New Groove" which was super fun. Very funny with a kind of gonzo humor. A Vulture article about the making of this film has been going around:
https://www.vulture.com/article/an-oral-history-of-disney-the-emperors-new-groove.html

The best parts of the article are the parts about Eartha Kitt, who voices the villain in the movie.

5. "Becoming Anne Frank" by Dara Horn at the Smithsonian magazine. A difficult, moving article.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/becoming-anne-frank-180970542/

I am congested and breathing badly, which is tough, but on the other hand, my ear isn't hurting any more. My hands and feet have felt better than they have in a while, and I'm tying faster and more accurately. Cross fingers, I haven't had a migraine in a while.

Big snowstorm here today, and it finally feels like winter. Snow absorbs sound and makes the whole world seem hushed and peaceful. It sparkles and reflects the street lights diffusely, so the night is brighter, and that matters, because it's usually night, in January in the North. Abbie seems to find the snow fascinating.

To help make myself rest during this spell of bad breathing, I've been trying out some shows. I want to use my Amazon free trial but there honestly isn't a lot on there that is very interesting.

I watched "Going Postal," based on Terry Pratchett. This was a cute idea: a con man gets his life spared in return for starting up the defunct, possibly cursed, post office. The villain of the piece runs the "Clacks", which is like a telegraph service that uses lights; the boss of the clacks wants it to be the only message service available. At about 3 hours, this was too long for what amounted to a fairly simple story. It was mostly about white men. I did enjoy the sets, costumes, and humor. I was not particularly interested in the romance.

I bounced off of "Fleabag," a show that gotten a lot of awards. The title character is a young woman who has recently lost her best friend and business partner. She's making bad decisions in her grief, including sleeping with a bunch of different men. The first two episodes are a lot about these men she's sleeping with, which, yawn. The humor relies on awkardness. I was not in the right mood for this show.

Another award-winner, the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, is more enjoyable to me. Midge Maisel is a 1950s house wife and mother in New York. She's fairly well-off and seems to have a pretty good life, but then her husband leaves her. On a whim she tries stand-up comedy (something her husband wanted to do), and has a natural talent for it. I enjoy Midge herself, but I especially like her manager, a butch woman named Susie. We also get to see Midge's relationship with her parents, and a variety of friends. She wears fabulous clothes, and the music is fun, and their fancy apartment is fun to look at. My main criticism is that there is too much narrative time spent showing us Joel, the no-good husband. I love how stand-up comedy is, for Midge, a chance to tell the honest truth, and to be her full self.

Today I am giving myself credit for managing several complex health problems. I'm giving myself credit for resting, for leaving volunteering tonight when I didn't feel good, and for generally taking care of myself.

I am grateful for my dog, my roommate, and my friends.

I am grateful that i have a recliner to sit in at home, that is comfortable. I also have a comfy bed and warm blankets.

I'm grateful for Netflix.

I took a bit of an internet break largely because my internet (or computer? who knows) was being troublesome. Still is, but there seem to be periods where it works OK. I don't know what is wrong, so don't know what to do about it.

On Saturday some mysterious energy appeared in my life/body/mind and I cleaned my apartment, in anticipation of having a few friends over. It was very nice to see them. I've been feeling a bit isolated, so I'm going to try and make more of an effort to get out and see people. One of the great things about my friends is not only do I like them-- I also like the people they introduce me to! quality all around.

Of course I overdid it yesterday, and today I am exhausted. Today has involved sleeping and resting.

A project for when it is slightly cooler: I want to take pictures of my coats and post them. coat fandom yay.

I am trying to get rid of things out of my apartment and make space for as yet unknown new things. It's that time of year.

Given how stressed and sick I've been, I guess it's no surprise really that my period is 10 days overdue. Normally it's very regular. (no I'm not pregnant).

It's been a stressful summer.

I'm back on Prednisone for a few days and already feeling somewhat better. Getting hit with the RA/asthma truck has been no picnic.

I'm following the Ferguson news on Twitter. It's difficult to read, and difficult to not read.