a fan fic trend that bothers me
Aug. 15th, 2022 01:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sasha_featherSometimes you're reading a fan fic or a book and it's going along fine, until you encounter that one line.
Cut for discussion of sex in fan fiction.
It goes something like this: the couple you are reading about, they've just given each other a very good time, a hand job or a blow job, and it's great! Your point of view character is really pleased, and they can't wait until they actually have sex.
... What... didn't they just... didn't they just HAVE sex?
Oh, you realize. The author means fucking. They mean penetration.
I'm seeing this more and more lately when I read outside of my small circle. I've seen it in fanfic, in various fandoms, and once in a professionally written YA book, ("Sia Martinez and the Moonlit Beginning of Everything," by Raquel Vasquez Gilliland, though I don't mean this as a way of picking on one author-- I'm reacting to a trend).
Why is this bad? Look I am no expert on sex by any means but I can think of a few reasons.
First of all! "Sex" is of course difficult to define, but it does not equal penetration. Sex can be hand jobs or oral sex or frottage. Phone sex is sex. The world is vast, use your imagination! Don't limit yourself.
Some people don't like penetration and they still have wonderful sex lives. Your characters should acknowledge this, ideally-- they should ask each other what they like and what they want, rather than just assuming that their partner wants to fuck. I know that fanfic is a fantasy, and there is no one correct way to do it, but it can be sexy and interesting for your characters to say what they desire, and negotiate their dislikes as well. When you don't like doing something that you are socially expected to do, like say fucking for example, it can be very restful and freeing to read about a character saying that and being accepted and loved. It can give you a model for yourself. Same goes if you can't participate in fucking due to disability / impairment.
The attitude expressed by sex only being about penetration, is anti-queer and heteronormative, in a very restrictive way. I was raised in this culture too, where sex is supposed to only be one narrowly defined activity between a married man and woman, so I do sort of understand where this comes from. But it's time to leave all of that in the garbage can where it belongs. Just because you are writing about two men doesn't undo all of that; you have to think it through a little more. I would venture to guess that this attitude also positions the penis as being Very Important, and I am here to tell you that you don't have to think that way. People who don't have penises, or who have ones that maybe don't work, also have interesting and good sex.
But! you say, my characters just really like fucking and I like writing it. OK, that is fine, but then just say so. Don't pretend like one kind of sex is the be-all and end-all of sexual activity. Just because it's common doesn't mean it's true. If you mean fucking, say it. This is not the time for euphemisms or unclear language.
While it maybe isn't wholly appropriate to learn about sex through fanfic, let's face it. For a lot of us that is how we learn. Fanfic can be a way that we can safely explore sexuality. And it grinds my gears when people are getting mis-information like this. If for some reason you think that hand jobs other other non-fucking sex acts aren't "real", or they don't "count", that can impact your health and your relationships, up to and including pregnancy and sexually-transmitted infections. I feel like I'm being a bit of lecturing scold but it's important to know that you can get STIs from various types of sexual activity outside of penetrative sex.
This has been a public service announcement brought to you by queerness.
What did I miss? Feedback welcome.
Cut for discussion of sex in fan fiction.
It goes something like this: the couple you are reading about, they've just given each other a very good time, a hand job or a blow job, and it's great! Your point of view character is really pleased, and they can't wait until they actually have sex.
... What... didn't they just... didn't they just HAVE sex?
Oh, you realize. The author means fucking. They mean penetration.
I'm seeing this more and more lately when I read outside of my small circle. I've seen it in fanfic, in various fandoms, and once in a professionally written YA book, ("Sia Martinez and the Moonlit Beginning of Everything," by Raquel Vasquez Gilliland, though I don't mean this as a way of picking on one author-- I'm reacting to a trend).
Why is this bad? Look I am no expert on sex by any means but I can think of a few reasons.
First of all! "Sex" is of course difficult to define, but it does not equal penetration. Sex can be hand jobs or oral sex or frottage. Phone sex is sex. The world is vast, use your imagination! Don't limit yourself.
Some people don't like penetration and they still have wonderful sex lives. Your characters should acknowledge this, ideally-- they should ask each other what they like and what they want, rather than just assuming that their partner wants to fuck. I know that fanfic is a fantasy, and there is no one correct way to do it, but it can be sexy and interesting for your characters to say what they desire, and negotiate their dislikes as well. When you don't like doing something that you are socially expected to do, like say fucking for example, it can be very restful and freeing to read about a character saying that and being accepted and loved. It can give you a model for yourself. Same goes if you can't participate in fucking due to disability / impairment.
The attitude expressed by sex only being about penetration, is anti-queer and heteronormative, in a very restrictive way. I was raised in this culture too, where sex is supposed to only be one narrowly defined activity between a married man and woman, so I do sort of understand where this comes from. But it's time to leave all of that in the garbage can where it belongs. Just because you are writing about two men doesn't undo all of that; you have to think it through a little more. I would venture to guess that this attitude also positions the penis as being Very Important, and I am here to tell you that you don't have to think that way. People who don't have penises, or who have ones that maybe don't work, also have interesting and good sex.
But! you say, my characters just really like fucking and I like writing it. OK, that is fine, but then just say so. Don't pretend like one kind of sex is the be-all and end-all of sexual activity. Just because it's common doesn't mean it's true. If you mean fucking, say it. This is not the time for euphemisms or unclear language.
While it maybe isn't wholly appropriate to learn about sex through fanfic, let's face it. For a lot of us that is how we learn. Fanfic can be a way that we can safely explore sexuality. And it grinds my gears when people are getting mis-information like this. If for some reason you think that hand jobs other other non-fucking sex acts aren't "real", or they don't "count", that can impact your health and your relationships, up to and including pregnancy and sexually-transmitted infections. I feel like I'm being a bit of lecturing scold but it's important to know that you can get STIs from various types of sexual activity outside of penetrative sex.
This has been a public service announcement brought to you by queerness.
What did I miss? Feedback welcome.
