Lately the media, and people in general, are talking about queerness again because of Chick-Fil-A and whatnot. I posted something earlier, filtered, that I am going to repost publicly because I believe it strongly and I seem to be in the minority in my belief.
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I keep thinking about something I call the "choice dialog" (a term I may have heard somewhere, or may have made up). Watching Coming Out stories on Bravo, I see people say to homophobic relatives, "It's not a choice." My heinous former co-worker P. asked it of me at lunch one day, "Do you think that being gay is a choice?", to which I had to say, "Of course not, but wouldn't it be nice if it were?" (I was cornered.)
In reality I think things are more complex. They are always more complex. There seems to be some debate here that is controlled by homophobic ultra-Christian right-wingers that say we are choosing a sinful path, and that we need only to alter our choices to come back to the right path. Saying that we are born this way is a way to respond to these folks, and I respect that as one activist tactic. But I am no longer interested in engaging with such people, because to say these things is to start with an assumption that being queer is bad. If you change that assumption, then you change the dialog.
If queer is something good, to be celebrated, or if it is neutral, than you can choose to be queer.
And some people do. Some people's partners transition, and they choose to stay with their partners, or not. Some people are bisexual and they choose to act on it, or not. Some people choose celibacy, or not. Some queer people certainly stay in straight marriages. Some people simply choose to have experiences that don't fit inside labels.
That's the other thing about embracing a choice dialog: it opens up possibilities for people who identify as straight. You can choose to date someone of your same gender, and see how it goes! It doesn't have to mean you are one thing or another.
What I like about classifying things as choices is that it emphasizes autonomy and free will. Sure, neuroscience and biology probably do govern us. But I'd rather think that I have some choice in the matter.
Other excellent posts on this topic:
Fauxgress Watch: Born this way
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thingswithwings: Who would choose this?
Frank Bruni: Gay Won't Go Away, Genetic or Not
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I keep thinking about something I call the "choice dialog" (a term I may have heard somewhere, or may have made up). Watching Coming Out stories on Bravo, I see people say to homophobic relatives, "It's not a choice." My heinous former co-worker P. asked it of me at lunch one day, "Do you think that being gay is a choice?", to which I had to say, "Of course not, but wouldn't it be nice if it were?" (I was cornered.)
In reality I think things are more complex. They are always more complex. There seems to be some debate here that is controlled by homophobic ultra-Christian right-wingers that say we are choosing a sinful path, and that we need only to alter our choices to come back to the right path. Saying that we are born this way is a way to respond to these folks, and I respect that as one activist tactic. But I am no longer interested in engaging with such people, because to say these things is to start with an assumption that being queer is bad. If you change that assumption, then you change the dialog.
If queer is something good, to be celebrated, or if it is neutral, than you can choose to be queer.
And some people do. Some people's partners transition, and they choose to stay with their partners, or not. Some people are bisexual and they choose to act on it, or not. Some people choose celibacy, or not. Some queer people certainly stay in straight marriages. Some people simply choose to have experiences that don't fit inside labels.
That's the other thing about embracing a choice dialog: it opens up possibilities for people who identify as straight. You can choose to date someone of your same gender, and see how it goes! It doesn't have to mean you are one thing or another.
What I like about classifying things as choices is that it emphasizes autonomy and free will. Sure, neuroscience and biology probably do govern us. But I'd rather think that I have some choice in the matter.
Other excellent posts on this topic:
Fauxgress Watch: Born this way
thingswithwings: Who would choose this?Frank Bruni: Gay Won't Go Away, Genetic or Not
