"compulsory femininity"
Feb. 28th, 2016 03:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sasha_featherI sat down to read a comic called The Story of my Tits and I stopped because I started to feel anxious, and have a lot of fast thoughts. How strange.
I thought I'd gotten over a lot of my femme-phobia; after all I like dressing up low-femme sometimes, what you might call tomboy femme. And maybe I have. Maybe what I'm reacting to is, more what we might call compulsory femininity. I read a post on Tumblr about this, which of course I can't find now because I don't know how to use Tumblr. The idea that people who cut your hair won't cut it as short as you want it. When people-- other women-- police your foot wear (which is also ableist). When you're required to look and dress in a feminine way for interviews, banquets, etc. When not shaving your body hair is somehow a big damn deal and you have to endlessly discuss it.
One place I feel this acutely is shopping for underwear. In the store the section is called "intimate apparel" which makes me feel like I want to burn down the store. My underwear is functional. It's underwear. (Do men have "intimate apparel"? Maybe some do.) I don't want lace on my bras. I just want a plain goddamn black bra that fits properly (and I have big boobs which generally means fewer choices).
I don't like how adult femininity is so closely associated with (heterosexual) sex; that is probably the real issue I'm getting at.
I thought I'd gotten over a lot of my femme-phobia; after all I like dressing up low-femme sometimes, what you might call tomboy femme. And maybe I have. Maybe what I'm reacting to is, more what we might call compulsory femininity. I read a post on Tumblr about this, which of course I can't find now because I don't know how to use Tumblr. The idea that people who cut your hair won't cut it as short as you want it. When people-- other women-- police your foot wear (which is also ableist). When you're required to look and dress in a feminine way for interviews, banquets, etc. When not shaving your body hair is somehow a big damn deal and you have to endlessly discuss it.
One place I feel this acutely is shopping for underwear. In the store the section is called "intimate apparel" which makes me feel like I want to burn down the store. My underwear is functional. It's underwear. (Do men have "intimate apparel"? Maybe some do.) I don't want lace on my bras. I just want a plain goddamn black bra that fits properly (and I have big boobs which generally means fewer choices).
I don't like how adult femininity is so closely associated with (heterosexual) sex; that is probably the real issue I'm getting at.
Appropriate icon!
Date: 2016-02-29 01:17 am (UTC)I go to a barber now because I know they will cut my hair as short as I want including shaving it entirely the hell off whenever I decide to do that. And women-centric hairdressing shops would try to, like, negotiate me away from my stance. (A 2005 newspaper column I wrote on this topic.)
You are not the only one experiencing friction when the reclaiming of intentional, choiceful femininity bumps up against common compulsory femininity-type stimuli and scars (see the comment thread). It's tough.
Re: Appropriate icon!
Date: 2016-02-29 05:42 am (UTC)