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sasha_featherOr, spirit of the staircase!
I participated today in a free screening for oral and throat cancers. It took 5 minutes and I was feeling uncharacteristically talkative to the people running it. For example I told the woman taking the forms: "You should have check boxes for male, female, and other." (I doubt she took me seriously.)
So after I finished having the screening (the doc looks in your mouth with a flashlight), I was talking a man who was passing out the flyers. He was a friendly middle-aged guy that was sort of easy to talk to. He told me the risk factors for these cancers are tobacco use, alcohol use, and HPV (human pappilloma viruses).
"Well," I said, "Hopefully that will go down because now there is a vaccine." (Gardasil.)
"Or, teens could just have regular sex!" he joked, and laughed. He was referring to the fact that oral sex, ie blow jobs, are a risk factor for HPV causing cancers of the mouth and throat.
"Well, that's not going to happen, they just need to get vaccinated!" I said at the time.
What I wished I had done is either gotten scarily calm, or scarily angry, and scared him into NEVER SAYING THAT AGAIN. It was totally inappropriate for a number of reasons.
1. "Regular sex" is a figment of the imagination that exists in a subset of straight people's minds, and is centered around penis-in-vagina hetero sex. It erases queer sex, oral sex, manual sex, kinky sex, etc etc etc.
2. His so-called "regular sex" still transmits HPV-- to women, who can then get cervical cancer.
3. There was more than a strong whiff of victim-blaming to what he said-- if people get cancer from HPV, it's their fault.
People are such assholes! This guy told me he used to be a study coordinator!
ETA I just occurred to me that this man could have been attempting to flirt with me by making a risque joke about blowjobs. Such a lesbian am I-- I was totally oblivious.
I participated today in a free screening for oral and throat cancers. It took 5 minutes and I was feeling uncharacteristically talkative to the people running it. For example I told the woman taking the forms: "You should have check boxes for male, female, and other." (I doubt she took me seriously.)
So after I finished having the screening (the doc looks in your mouth with a flashlight), I was talking a man who was passing out the flyers. He was a friendly middle-aged guy that was sort of easy to talk to. He told me the risk factors for these cancers are tobacco use, alcohol use, and HPV (human pappilloma viruses).
"Well," I said, "Hopefully that will go down because now there is a vaccine." (Gardasil.)
"Or, teens could just have regular sex!" he joked, and laughed. He was referring to the fact that oral sex, ie blow jobs, are a risk factor for HPV causing cancers of the mouth and throat.
"Well, that's not going to happen, they just need to get vaccinated!" I said at the time.
What I wished I had done is either gotten scarily calm, or scarily angry, and scared him into NEVER SAYING THAT AGAIN. It was totally inappropriate for a number of reasons.
1. "Regular sex" is a figment of the imagination that exists in a subset of straight people's minds, and is centered around penis-in-vagina hetero sex. It erases queer sex, oral sex, manual sex, kinky sex, etc etc etc.
2. His so-called "regular sex" still transmits HPV-- to women, who can then get cervical cancer.
3. There was more than a strong whiff of victim-blaming to what he said-- if people get cancer from HPV, it's their fault.
People are such assholes! This guy told me he used to be a study coordinator!
ETA I just occurred to me that this man could have been attempting to flirt with me by making a risque joke about blowjobs. Such a lesbian am I-- I was totally oblivious.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-12 01:57 am (UTC)I was at a party last weekend where someone called various kinky sex acts "perversions" (and not in the "ooh fun" sense). I am *so happy* to be back in Philly with my usual queer/queer-friendly kink-friendly crowd. Argh. ETA: And I had no idea how to respond at the time, since I wasn't exactly feeling safe or wanting to explain that he was talking about me. Later I decided I should next time make some sort of comment about how I didn't think safe and consensual things adults choose to do were perversions.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-12 04:50 am (UTC)That is a really good point about feeling safe in the moment. It's a tough call whether to call people out or not. An advocate class might be really great! I have trouble getting emotional distance from things like this, which is why some training could be useful.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-15 02:31 am (UTC)Yeah, I tend to freeze up and not know what to say in situations like that, especially when it's personal and not something I've dealt with before. It was easier to call people on transphobic comments at the same event, since I've had practice with that. And it's not about me/it's sometimes easier for me to call people out on behalf of others, rather than on my own behalf...