Horses are good company -- The Witcher

Very tired today but managed to get my prescriptions and return my library items. Made myself go to the dog park, but mostly sat on a bench. Abbie took a dip into the water to cool down.

Over the weekend I dog-sat for our greyhound friend Zoiks. He's very polite and easy to look after, but I could tell Abbie was a little stressed. She's glad to be Only Dog again.

I learned the term "devil's nap" which is when you go to sleep during the afternoon and wake up at night. My body loves this nap and I've learned to turn a lamp on so that I don't have confused, anxious dreams about the lights going off.

Still thinking a lot about BPM (movie) and Aristotle and Dante (book). My favorite book as a teen was "The wings of a falcon" which is sort of a slashy book that never names the queerness in it; I think the Ari and Dante books can replace that book for me as books to return to and carry around in my imagination. Touchstone stories, the kind of thing you can think about when you're stressed out.

Watched the first 2 episodes of "Rutherford Falls" and I'm finding it a little uncomfortable to watch. I'll keep going though, might hit better when I'm less tired. It's on Peacock which is NBC streaming (free).

I have a nerve block in a couple of days, thank goodness.

Things blooming: Lilacs, Tulips, strawberries, wood violets. The dandelions have mostly gone to seed. The landlord's kid finally mowed today; the lawn was getting a bit dire.

I am looking for a word that doesn't yet exist, at least to my knowledge. This word would ideally describe the particular grief that results from wanting to do things, and being unable to do them due to disability. For instance I want to read novels and non-fiction books, but mostly can't. I want to crank out fanvids but have had a hard time learning the software and concentrating. I write very slowly, which means to me that writing is very important to me-- I work at it despite my pain and other barriers.

This grief involves frustration, stymied ambition, sadness, bargaining. What words come to mind for you? Can we create such a word?


I had my nerve block today. Dramatic immediate pain reduction. It's easier to breathe, talk, think, do stuff. My doc gave me a little more of the drug than last time, as I told her that it hadn't seemed to work as well over this last winter. Hopefully with the weather improving, my sinuses will be less awful.

There is something peculiarly awful about pain in the face. Even a horse will turn her hindquarters into the wind to protect her head.

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The dog I'm sitting is an Italian Greyhound with one eye and i LOVE him. It's especially nice to have an extra dog around when my roommate is away; it's good company.