Chronic illness, Star Trek, Trust
Aug. 9th, 2020 01:12 pmHaving a type of anxiety dream lately where I'm trying to work, but am too sick to work. Sometimes it's school, or a formal job, or a household job like washing piles of dishes. I keep trying to push myself and it's not successful.
This is something that I did, of course, for maybe 15 years. My brain is still processing it and will be for a long time.
I re-read this lovely essay by my friend Nicasio Andres Reed:
"You Have only Your Trust in Me": Star Trek and the power of mutual belief.
https://uncannymagazine.com/article/you-have-only-your-trust-in-me-star-trek-and-the-power-of-mutual-belief/
How wonderful and empowering it is to believe people about their experiences, and to trust them. I didn't feel believed about my illness when it came to my family. I didn't fully trust people I worked with, even at my better jobs. I still don't get the sense that my doctors understand my experience (again, even the better docs), which is maybe why I have a persistent fantasy about being treated by a Star Fleet doctor.
The people I came to trust, the people that believed me, were my friends. People from fandom, mostly. Other disabled folks, people of color, trans and queer people. Thank you friends, for this.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jesse_the_k in particular demonstrates the "I believe you, what can I do to help?" attitude, and she brings this to access work. This is why we say, Access is first and foremost an attitude. It is this attitude, an open, trusting, non-judgmental attitude, that is so transformative. It is part of the future I want to inhabit.
This is something that I did, of course, for maybe 15 years. My brain is still processing it and will be for a long time.
I re-read this lovely essay by my friend Nicasio Andres Reed:
"You Have only Your Trust in Me": Star Trek and the power of mutual belief.
https://uncannymagazine.com/article/you-have-only-your-trust-in-me-star-trek-and-the-power-of-mutual-belief/
How wonderful and empowering it is to believe people about their experiences, and to trust them. I didn't feel believed about my illness when it came to my family. I didn't fully trust people I worked with, even at my better jobs. I still don't get the sense that my doctors understand my experience (again, even the better docs), which is maybe why I have a persistent fantasy about being treated by a Star Fleet doctor.
The people I came to trust, the people that believed me, were my friends. People from fandom, mostly. Other disabled folks, people of color, trans and queer people. Thank you friends, for this.
jesse_the_k in particular demonstrates the "I believe you, what can I do to help?" attitude, and she brings this to access work. This is why we say, Access is first and foremost an attitude. It is this attitude, an open, trusting, non-judgmental attitude, that is so transformative. It is part of the future I want to inhabit.I dreamed that I was interviewing for a job with Barack Obama and former sec. of health and human services Donna Shalala.
If you had *asked* me who Donna Shalala was, I would have been like, uh, some politician? But apparently my unconcious brain knew this datum. (In the dream, we talked about rabies risk.) (Interestingly, she also used to be chancellor of UW - Madison and now heads the Clinton foundation. )
As part of this dream job, there was a uniform / dress code that involved wearing cashmere and leather (paid for by the job).
So, I guess that's my "dream job".
If you had *asked* me who Donna Shalala was, I would have been like, uh, some politician? But apparently my unconcious brain knew this datum. (In the dream, we talked about rabies risk.) (Interestingly, she also used to be chancellor of UW - Madison and now heads the Clinton foundation. )
As part of this dream job, there was a uniform / dress code that involved wearing cashmere and leather (paid for by the job).
So, I guess that's my "dream job".
Fannish dreams
Nov. 18th, 2013 05:40 pmI had the BEST dream; Eliot Spencer from Leverage had a companion animal who was a really giant grizzly bear. Eliot had also lived a really long time, through many American wars, fighting with his bear. His bear was like a daemon, or somehow emotionally bonded to him. He had been separated from her for some time, but found her trail and went looking. He found her in an Alaskan wilderness area.
When I woke up I wondered what kind of animals Parker and Hardison would have. Parker might have a bird or some kind of cat. Suggestions?
When I woke up I wondered what kind of animals Parker and Hardison would have. Parker might have a bird or some kind of cat. Suggestions?
Daily happiness
Nov. 18th, 2011 09:23 pmI have been feeling kinda down lately, and sick. Sometimes it helps to post about things that make me happy and/or that I am grateful for.
1. I have a new car! I think I shall call it Charlotte, just because. It's a gold colored Toyota Camry, 2002, and it is AWESOME. Even since my (gold colored) PT Cruiser got wrecked two winters ago, I've been driving a POS Neon that I haven't liked. The Neon was kind of uncomfortable and it had a hard time going fast. Now I finally have a car that I like!! It drives very smoothly, is very comfortable, and has remote control doors. It is GRAND.
2. I had a flying/floating dream this morning. Actually it was a little disturbing because I wasn't sure how I was going to land and it felt like I was just going to keep on flying/floating forever, and maybe suddenly I would come down in water, or I would land somewhere far away from home and have to walk all the way back. Still, it was a neat dream.
3. I've been watching a lot of good movies on Netflix. Review post to come!
1. I have a new car! I think I shall call it Charlotte, just because. It's a gold colored Toyota Camry, 2002, and it is AWESOME. Even since my (gold colored) PT Cruiser got wrecked two winters ago, I've been driving a POS Neon that I haven't liked. The Neon was kind of uncomfortable and it had a hard time going fast. Now I finally have a car that I like!! It drives very smoothly, is very comfortable, and has remote control doors. It is GRAND.
2. I had a flying/floating dream this morning. Actually it was a little disturbing because I wasn't sure how I was going to land and it felt like I was just going to keep on flying/floating forever, and maybe suddenly I would come down in water, or I would land somewhere far away from home and have to walk all the way back. Still, it was a neat dream.
3. I've been watching a lot of good movies on Netflix. Review post to come!
I feel like I should say something here
May. 6th, 2009 08:50 pmHello! Hi new people! Hi old friends!
Policy?
Hopefully this journal will be more public and maybe more fannish than my LJ. But I don't know yet. I have made most of my friends, or gotten to know them better, through the internet, so-- I value spaces like these, and I think how we treat each other on the internet is important. But I also try to take it with a grain of salt and cut people slack, you know? So, feel free to comment and say hi-- I loooove comments! -- or feel free to lurk. *makes lurky zombie arms* Feel free to add me to your circle or take me off. I'll do my best not to take it personally. I'll also do my best to make my journal a safe and friendly space for people.
Some things about me
I identify as white, female, cisgendered, and disabled. By disabled: I have an invisible illness. I don't use assistive tech other than (sexy, hip) eyeglasses and sunglasses. Learning about disability has helped me cope with my illness and I think it's also pretty dang cool to think about. Also As for orientation, my buddywere_duck has given me the term "queered-up straight person" which I like a lot. \o/
I like to take photos which you can peruse at my Flickr Photostream if you're interested.
I've written a few pieces of fanfic-- the index is at my LJ. Hopefully someday I will write more.
I'm currently unemployed, taking a hiatus, "on sabbatical", resting and recuperating, doing basically nothing. This has given me the great opportunity to read lots of fic! (Primarily SGA slash, but I'm open to other stuff.)
WisCon! WisCon! The World's Leading Feminist Science Fiction Convention! Need I say more?
My awesome, awesome friends-- I value them so much. They do wonderful things like for instance they BOUGHT ME A KINDLE FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
Oh! I grew up on a farm. I like animals a lot and I wish I had more of them in my life. I had this dream last night about adopting a dog; my mom and I were at a pet store and we both liked these little teal-colored dogs. That's the one! The teal-colored dogs, let's get one of those. (Edit to say, I suppose you could take a white dog and dye it's hair, dip it in Kool-Aid, color it with magic marker. But I think I prefer the genetic engineering way to get there.)
Policy?
Hopefully this journal will be more public and maybe more fannish than my LJ. But I don't know yet. I have made most of my friends, or gotten to know them better, through the internet, so-- I value spaces like these, and I think how we treat each other on the internet is important. But I also try to take it with a grain of salt and cut people slack, you know? So, feel free to comment and say hi-- I loooove comments! -- or feel free to lurk. *makes lurky zombie arms* Feel free to add me to your circle or take me off. I'll do my best not to take it personally. I'll also do my best to make my journal a safe and friendly space for people.
Some things about me
I identify as white, female, cisgendered, and disabled. By disabled: I have an invisible illness. I don't use assistive tech other than (sexy, hip) eyeglasses and sunglasses. Learning about disability has helped me cope with my illness and I think it's also pretty dang cool to think about. Also As for orientation, my buddy
were_duck has given me the term "queered-up straight person" which I like a lot. \o/I like to take photos which you can peruse at my Flickr Photostream if you're interested.
I've written a few pieces of fanfic-- the index is at my LJ. Hopefully someday I will write more.
I'm currently unemployed, taking a hiatus, "on sabbatical", resting and recuperating, doing basically nothing. This has given me the great opportunity to read lots of fic! (Primarily SGA slash, but I'm open to other stuff.)
WisCon! WisCon! The World's Leading Feminist Science Fiction Convention! Need I say more?
My awesome, awesome friends-- I value them so much. They do wonderful things like for instance they BOUGHT ME A KINDLE FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
Oh! I grew up on a farm. I like animals a lot and I wish I had more of them in my life. I had this dream last night about adopting a dog; my mom and I were at a pet store and we both liked these little teal-colored dogs. That's the one! The teal-colored dogs, let's get one of those. (Edit to say, I suppose you could take a white dog and dye it's hair, dip it in Kool-Aid, color it with magic marker. But I think I prefer the genetic engineering way to get there.)
