I believe in what you do --REM

Having a weird mood crash. It helped to get out of the house and do things, so I picked up another shift at the humane society. Also: air conditioning. It was 85 degrees F today (29 C), which is hot for this early in the season, and I'm not used to it yet.

I dropped off some clothes at Good Will and went inside to admire their newly remodeled store.

Went to the dog park. Mostly sat on a bench in the shade, and eventually some of the regulars came by so I sat and listened to them chat. Ended up spending close to two hours at the park.

Watered some plants. It's time for this asparagus fern to get rehomed, because it just stabbed me in the finger with one of its thorns. Some of the other plants I have look a little rough from being newly placed outside.

Picked some strawberries from the back garden and am eating them right now!

I broke a glass today and a plate yesterday. Dropping things and not-quite-grasping things is one of those weird RA symptoms. I think my anxious/depressed mood is a combo of missing WisCon people and having inflammation and the hot weather.

I have several very nice, older-than-me friends at the dog park, many of whom are about the age of my parents. Today I ran into one of them who was walking with her friend, let's call them Ann and Sue (not their real names). Ann explained that she is moving and her new place isn't ready yet, so she is staying with Sue.

"It's really nice," said Ann. "like having a wife."

There was an awkward pause. "Except better, because... you know... she's my friend."

I had also run into Ann downtown on the day same-sex marriage was legalized and people were getting married in front of the city-county building. Ann was similarly awkward and funny during that encounter, complimenting some young man's funny t-shirt (I don't remember what it said) but then going "I mean... I'm not gay". He charmingly said back, "Oh don't worry honey, it's not catching."

Ann also mentioned today that she'd gone to a Joan Baez concert. When she mentioned it to her young employees, they had no idea who Joan Baez is. I said, oh yeah, I only know because my mom's a big fan. Ann and Sue both made faces at that.

I really liked this post by s.e. smith: In Defence of the Urban Car.

I am good at guilting myself about things. The "shoulds" can take the voice of a parent, or the voice of liberal politics, or just a general sense that I should be doing more things during the day. As a person with lots of pain and fatigue, I generally need to rest a lot and I often have low productivity. It also helps me to drive my car rather than walk or ride the bus. The bus makes me feel motion sick and sometimes anxious. Walking leaves me tired out.

Last spring and summer I would walk to the neighborhood dog park (about 4 blocks) quite regularly. Then in mid-summer my knee swelled up. I started driving to the neighboring town's dog park, about 4 miles away. For some reason, in my mind there were two choices: walk to the nearby dog park or drive to the further one.

Then at some point it occurred to me that I could *drive* to the nearby dog park, saving my knee, saving gas and time, etc. I could walk longer at the park because I wouldn't have to walk back up the hill to get home. It seemed a little ridiculous to get in the car to drive the short distance to the park, but on the other hand, it helped me a lot. So now, that is what I do. This decision was about giving myself permission to make my life easier, as a disabled person.

Having a diagnosis of RA did help with this act of "giving myself permission." Social support from others also helps. Sometimes people at the DP (dog park) ask if I live in the neighborhood, etc, and I will say in a self-deprecating way, "Oh yes, I should probably walk here, but it just makes it easier to drive, what with my knee," etc. And nice comments from friends and acquaintances in support do help. There is a nice parking lot there and plenty of other people drive.

Other places this applies in my life: Doing just one load of laundry instead of all of the laundry. Using the clothes dryer instead of hanging clothes on the line (except that the driers don't work very well!) Doing a few dishes instead of all the dishes. Breaking tasks up into small bits over time. Some tips on UnF*ck Your Habitat have helped because that site emphasizes small, manageable tasks, with built-in breaks: 20/10s are 20 minutes of cleaning then a 10 minute break. Also they recommend concentrating on a particular area of cleaning, one that you really notice when you are finished.