sasha_feather: Big book of Lesbian Horse stories book cover (lesbian horse stories)
Saw a PA yesterday at the pain and headache clinic. In my experience PAs are better than doctors for dealing with chronic conditions. For one thing, they seem to have more time.

Things I'm going to try:
Read more... )

I liked season 2 of The 100 much, much better than season one and watched it really fast.

In dog news, I finally got Abbie to sit on the couch with me. This is amazing as she's been scared of the couch for a long time. It's really nice to cuddle on the sofa with a dog!
sasha_feather: Daredevil in a suit (Daredevil)
I took a bit of an internet break largely because my internet (or computer? who knows) was being troublesome. Still is, but there seem to be periods where it works OK. I don't know what is wrong, so don't know what to do about it.

On Saturday some mysterious energy appeared in my life/body/mind and I cleaned my apartment, in anticipation of having a few friends over. It was very nice to see them. I've been feeling a bit isolated, so I'm going to try and make more of an effort to get out and see people. One of the great things about my friends is not only do I like them-- I also like the people they introduce me to! quality all around.

Of course I overdid it yesterday, and today I am exhausted. Today has involved sleeping and resting.

A project for when it is slightly cooler: I want to take pictures of my coats and post them. coat fandom yay.

I am trying to get rid of things out of my apartment and make space for as yet unknown new things. It's that time of year.

Tortoise

Jan. 6th, 2015 10:01 pm
sasha_feather: dog looking over a valley (dog and landscape)
What's Wrong with Me? by Meghan O'Rouke, in the New Yorker, 2013. A fantastic personal essay on having an autoimmune disease.

Lately I feel like while my peers and friends are making progress with their lives, I am barely maintaining mine. It's hard not to compare myself to other people and find myself coming up short. I'm permanently poor, my career is going nowhere, I'm chronically single, and I have no energy, etc.

It's comforting to be around animals, who are better at living in the moment. I'm meditating upon the tortoise, a cool animal that takes its time.

When I was about 18 or so, an adult friend of mine from 4-H and I were discussing shyness, and how she used to be shy. Her advice was, "give yourself ten years." It was good advice.

Give yourself time. Be the tortoise.
sasha_feather: Clint from the Avengers drawing his bow (Hawkeye)
Given how stressed and sick I've been, I guess it's no surprise really that my period is 10 days overdue. Normally it's very regular. (no I'm not pregnant).

It's been a stressful summer.

I'm back on Prednisone for a few days and already feeling somewhat better. Getting hit with the RA/asthma truck has been no picnic.

I'm following the Ferguson news on Twitter. It's difficult to read, and difficult to not read.

Respiration

Aug. 3rd, 2013 03:08 pm
sasha_feather: cartoon charachter who has Syndrome (i have syndrome)
I had an asthma dream: I was visiting nicely with a couple of fandom friends on some sort of joint trip somewhere. But then I decided to go for a walk. I walked too far, and had to hurry back to catch a train. I had to walk up hill, in the heat, carrying a very heavy back pack full of text books. I stopped for cold water and tried to use Euro bills in a vending machine. Everything was very much a physical struggle.

With chronic illness there is a lot of "Why?" that goes unanswered. Going to doctors, getting tests, trying treatments, is in some ways an attempt to answer that question, "Why am I ill? Did I eat something I'm allergic to? Is it air pollution? Is it that cigarette smoke from the other night? Is it pollen?" Occasionally some answers may present themselves, but some answers never will: "Why me?" for example. Or, why does illness and suffering exist at all?

One of my favorite Jesse the K quotes is "pain has no meaning". It does not represent past life guilt, it is not meant to build character, and searching for one's pain triggers only benefits a person up to a point. After that, there are diminishing returns: you obsess over your pain and get no new information.

So, having chronic illness involves a lot of acceptance work. And it is work, of an emotional sort. I find that I must work on accepting, over and over, that I am ill and that I must rest.

Some motherly types on Facebook encouraged me to go to urgent care after I posted seeking asthma advice. I went this morning, got nebulized, and got an increase in my prednisone prescription.
sasha_feather: ken watanbe with a horse and dog (ken wantanbe with pets)
First, a brief me-health update: I completely forgot to give myself my shots this week. I even forgot to pick up my Enbrel from the pharmacy. I only remembered just now because my knee started hurting. I really don't like forgetting things. I am also getting PT again, for my shoulder.

Second, Sorcha-health update. Twice on Sunday her back legs sort of gave out briefly and she staggered and caught herself. It looked like a drunken stumble. This was alarming and I took her to the vet the next day. The vet said she has a lack of reflexes in her hind legs. They offered me a referral to a doggie neurologist which I said I would think about. It doesn't seem that they did any blood work, which I may call back and request. It looks the medical term for this symptom is "ataxia". While she normally has tremors in her hind legs, they seem to be more pronounced lately, and happen while she is walking, not just while she is standing.

----

Third, Reading Wednesday!

I am Currently Reading

Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon.

Chapter One was definitely the slowest and densest. Still, I don't think I will finish this book before it's due at the library. It is also heavy and hard to carry around. I may purchase the e-book. This is not an activist book. It's chiefly about parenting and families. It's still quite good and wrestles with a lot of identity issues that I find fascinating. In general it includes a lot of first-hand accounts of parents and children.

Chapter 2: Deaf. A nice overview of D/deaf history and cultures, and the difficulties therein. The politics of this world are really complicated and fraught, and while they make some people's lives profoundly better, the politics can also stand in the way for others. A dense chapter with a lot of information.

Chapter 3: Dwarf. I definitely learned things in this chapter. One of the issues brought up is that this identity is considered humorous to the wider culture.

Chapter 4: Down's Syndrome. Briefly talks about institutionalization, independence, and mainstream vs. special education.

Onto the next chapter, Autism!

I am also reading:

Tangles by Sarah Leavitt. Graphic memoir. I love this so far. It's a funny and heartbreaking account of her mother's Alzheimer's disease.

I recently finished

I love Led Zeppelin by Ellen Forney. I think she is my favorite graphic writer/artist! This book is oversized and NSFW. Includes a handy how-to section, collaborations, and misc. comics. Interesting and fun.
sasha_feather: white woman in space suit (Astronaut)
Today I woke up feeling off. I completely forgot what day it was, missed an appointment, and was late for another appointment. (My face and shoulder are hurting a lot and it's hard to think.)

This is not totally unheard of for me; even though I'm normally a very reliable person, when I get especially stressed or sick I tend to forget dates and times and miss appointments. It's one of my indicators for how well/badly I'm doing. I feel bad about it, though.

Anyways, Reading meme:

Recently finished

The Nao of Brown, graphic novel, by Glyn Dillon.

I loved this and think nearly everyone should read it! The watercolors are amazing, with lot of reds, white and gray, and realistic faces and bodies. Nao is a half-Japanese, half-white woman living in England and working at an upscale designer toy shop. She has a form of OCD that manifests as intrusive, violent thoughts. This book is about her friendships, her Buddhist practice, and her relationship with a washing machine repairman. I loved it!!! Content warning for suicide ideation, some violent imagery, mentions of past rape.

ATLA: The Promise by Gene Luen Yang et al.

I enjoyed these as a continuation of the TV show. Light and fun, but with real political weight concerning colonies and mixed-nationality families.

Air by G. Willow Wilson (comic)

I didn't get much out of this. Meh.

Currently Reading

Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon.

This book is about children who have different identities than their parents. "Vertical" identities are those such as race that are passed down. "Horizontal" identities are those such as queerness and, often, disability that are not passed down but are different from one generation to the next. He has chapters on various disabilities, a chapter on transgender children, one on children conceived through rape, one of children who are criminals, one on children who are prodigies. This book is 700 pages long; I am on page 34 and am reading slowly to try and absorb a lot of complex musings on identity. The author is gay and writes some about that; he also is dyslexic and Jewish; he interviewed more than 300 hundred families for this book. It's a lot of food for thought.

What do you think you'll read next?

I still have huge pile of comics out of from the library.
sasha_feather: "subversive" in rainbow colors (subversive)
I had a good day. I got up and went to a work class early, which while I had been dreading, turned out to be really good. The teacher was entertaining and patient, and since I already use the software in question daily, it was good to learn new things about it.

After working a little bit more, I decided to head downtown for the rally/protest against Governor Walker's proposed budget bill. This is the first time I've been part of such a huge protest. Thousands of people converged on the state Capitol, many with signs, many chanting. I took some pictures and posted them to Facebook and Flickr. Firefighters, many union members, high school students and teachers, many UW students and staff were there protesting-- people of all ages. Very thrilling! The Capitol here is an open public building, and people packed inside to chant and sing. I hear that some are still there for a sleep-in! And there is talk of a sick-out tomorrow for local schools as teachers go to protest. I stayed for a little while, until I got tired of the crowd and ducked out a side door.

I met up with F. and walked back down State Street. We ran into at least five people that she knew. So far, I have to say, it is nice to walk around holding hands with a woman. I could have gone back to work but I was feeling tired and stressed out by work so I hung around in the student union for a little while, then rode the free bus back to the parking lot (effing buses though, they are overcrowded and make me feel sick). I ducked into the Pharmacy school to use the bathroom and look around a little-- I love exploring campus buildings. I like having days where I am not rushed all the time, where I can walk around and look at things, talk to people, take photos, sit and do a crossword, attend a protest, have time to think. Most days at work are not like this at all! They are rush, rush, rush, which is part of why I get stressed and anxious. I need to remember to slow my pace and take things easier.

When I got home I felt extremely tired and I napped really hard. I still feel kind of sick.

Inception

Jul. 24th, 2010 11:28 pm
sasha_feather: ken watanbe with a horse and dog (ken wantanbe with pets)
Saw Inception last night and liked it a lot.

My twitter review (non-spoilery) is this: Loved Inception! Gorgeous and thought-provoking. Should come w/ a trigger warning for suicide. Does not pass Bechdel test. Still good tho.

Inception has me reading fanfic after months away from it. Looking at delicious, the main slash pairing so far appears to be Arthur/Eames, which yeah that is a good pairing that I am enjoying very much, but where is the Cobb/Saito? This movie screamed Cobb/Saito to me! (Ken Watanabe: see icon.)

***

I am ill, miserable, worried about being ill. I'll do something and then find that I have to lay down for a while. Going to bed now.
sasha_feather: Retro-style poster of skier on pluto.   (Default)
Two words that should clearly enter common usage:

1. Textravert (n) (coined by [personal profile] badgerbag): a person (like me) who is more inclined to extraversion in textual format.

2. Dollhouse (v) (coined by takumashii:

To make excuses for the failings of a serial entertainment in the hope that those failings are going to be undercut any moment now, because they're just too stupid to continue as presented.

Usage example:

"I thought the last episode of Glee was kind of bad, but I'm Dollhousing it for at least a couple more episodes."


ION I am still extremely tired, and I promise to call the doctor tomorrow.

patterns

Sep. 15th, 2009 10:42 pm
sasha_feather: Retro-style poster of skier on pluto.   (Default)
I have the Exhaustion again, which I think explains why I've been kind of negative lately, even though things are going well for me mostly. I need a better way to manage remembering appointments since I missed two of them in August. That is serious business to me. I also would like to be better at letting things go.

Apparently it is "Invisible Illness Week". Here is your thought for the day from The American Chronic Pain Association.


We all have basic rights. Among these are the right to be treated with respect, to say no without guilt, to do less than humanly possible, to make mistakes, and to not need to justify your decisions, with words or pain.


Right now I'm reading the very excellent Pattern Recognition: A Dialog on Racism in Fan Communities which is part of the newly published (and free) Transformative Works and Cultures.

Highly recommended.

Also? Indicative of the Exhaustion: I had to edit the HTML in this entry 4 times.

ETA The meme that is going around for Invisible Illness week can be found here: http://invisibleillnessweek.com/?p=2301
I may fill out part of it later, but I want to say:
Anyone who writes, "12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose:"
Is a DOUCHE.

There, I said it. Would you rather be poked in the eye, or in the kidney?

Because I can come over there and poke you in both the eye and the kidney. Just give me a sharp stick.

*is crabby*
sasha_feather: John and Rodney from Stargate: Atlantis (love of your life)
I have a cold or something. >:(

I have giant posts I want to make (drafts of which are in my notebook) but no energy to type them up. I hate not having internet in the house.

Well, [personal profile] aria did ask me and were_duck the other week when she was visiting, "What is it about Stargate Atlantis?" Aria's more of a Due South person, conversant in SGA, and we were wondering why one fandom really pings you when another doesn't. She posted her answers here in depth!.

Well, I'm tired and out-of-sorts, but I'm going to try and type of some of my own reasons. I will say that I'm in it for the fandom. I would never have invested much time in this show without fanfic, which is a good argument for how fandom is a promotional tool (I now own all 5 seasons and some action figures). I don't recommend the show to people who aren't interested in the fandom. But I do think there are some good episodes and good things about the show despite this.

*I love the setting: it's a place I can escape to in my head and easily imagine myself living. In this way it's similar to Deep Space Nine (another favorite show of mine) and dissimilar to SG1 (I hate that freaking concrete bunker). I like the color palette, all those greens and blues with hints of gold. I like the airy spires and the contrast of the deep undersea chambers. The set design is great. I mostly like the costumes too, except Teyla's outfits, obviously there are issues there. The people are gorgeous, too, obviously. I think I crushed on Rodney first! Even though he's not the most traditionally good looking. And then only later I realized, John, OMG, and it kind of went in sequence like that. What I'm saying is, there is a lot to look at here.

*I love many of the characters wholly: the team plus Zelenka and Lorne. I have passing fondness for most of the others (Weir, Carter, Woolsey, Ford, Keller, Carson). I don't hate anyone-- usually I reserve my hatred for the writers who write them wrong. I think they fail to write women well; for instance I like Cadman, who was in 2 episodes, better than Keller. Despite the fact that I am fond of Jewel Staite. So they had to work hard for me to dislike Keller. ANYWAY, I digress: I think fanfic can and sometimes does work to address these failings, the sexism, racism, and colonialism of the show. (Oh! I also love Halling.)

*I mainly read John/Rodney (McShep), but also OT4 (team), and other pairings. About John and Rodney in particular, I like their middle-aged-ness, that they are adults (but still boyish, bantery, fun). So many stories we are exposed to are about young love, and these stories are about adult love. McShep appeals to me for reasons I don't entirely understand; certainly fandom has worked hard to convince me that their love is epic, that it saves galaxies and exists across universes, that they are destined for each other. Something works for me in this pairing on a very deep emotional level.

*The fandom is fucking incredible!! I mean, just watch lim's vids or art by newkidfan or Speranza's fic, just as a beginning.

*I said to aria, that when I got into SGA, it was also me getting into slash. That is not entirely true: I had specifically been seeking out fantasy books with queer main characters, so I knew it was kind of my thing on some level. What was new for me was reading erotica.

(Tangent, I'd also been in Earth: Final Conflict fandom some years previously, and read fanfic that was G-rated, Taelon/human romance. And the Taelons were genderless. WHO KNOWS. Which leads me to my next point.)

*I enjoy the WTF quality of fandom in general, the wild creativity, the alternate universes. There's a lot of that in SGA. Some of it's based on canon-- there's time travel and AUs on the show.
I enjoy science fiction a lot and always have; I love the SF-ness of the show and the fandom. I have a time travel narrative kink; I love people meeting their alternate selves; I love biological weirdness, aliens, dire situations, sentient technology etc. I could go on. In fact I wish there were *more* and *weirder* aliens on most SF shows. Probably I should go back and finish Farscape one of these days.

*Clearly I have a lot to say about SHOW and FANDOM and there will probably be more of this later.

Books etc

Jun. 7th, 2009 09:51 pm
sasha_feather: a head full of interesting things (head space)
I feel horrible lately. It's possible I have a sinus infection; it's possible I'm just very sensitive to changes in the weather, and the weather is changing hourly.

I finished three books recently:

Corambis by Sarah Monette. Loved it. LOVED.

Melting Stones by Tamora Pierce. Kind of boring! They go around this island trying to figure out why things are dying, when to me it was totally obvious. I also never felt like the people were in any kind of danger. Definitely not her best book (I've read them all, now, except for the newest Beka Cooper one).

Little Brother by Cory Doctorow. Free legal download!. The first two chapters were boring info-dumps, but after that the book picks up and is a fast, good read. I skimmed over the technical info-dump parts throughout. It's about kids fighting back against Homeland Security, which cracks down on citizens after a terrorist attack on San Francisco. The narrator is a white straight guy but there is a nice moment when a friend calls him out on his white privilege and I liked that! I read this one for Beer and Marmalade book club and I think it will be a good discussion.

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